So you know how you’re stoic and don’t like to communicate? Not just like talking, but actually sharing your deep inner workings. And you keep all your feelings inside except for when, sometimes, you are struck with an urgent need to express yourself somehow, just never in a way that’s responsible or healthy, because that would be gay?

It’s funny how depression can make you feel like being repressed makes you superior to other people. All you are doing is refusing to communicate, but you think you’re fucking awesome as fuck for not being a mouthy loser who shares too much. And there’s all that time where you talk talk talk, but always keep the important stuff trapped inside, misleading everyone around you.

Then if you do decide to communicate, it might be an effusive mudslide of first in last out trauma from years past, which sucks. Or an eruption of angry last in first out bullshit ragers against all the people who most recently fucked you over with their assholery. And really these options, and the many many more, are all awful, so really communicating is just the worst, and all the people trying to get you to do it can get fucked.

The bad news is: yes exactly, never communicate. The good news is: you have free will and can express yourself the way you want to, and to who you want to, as long as you’re prepared for the consequences of whichever form of honesty (or dishonesty) that you choose.

Because it’s funny how you’re actually the one deciding what is so important that you should NOT share it. Get the gist? Like society does make everyone conform to bullshit expectations, but you’re still the ultimate arbiter of what is too taboo or trivial to communicate to others. Whether you go to therapy, talk to a confidant, or just rage when you want to, all options for communication are yours to think over, even if you just decide to stick with not communicating.

So you can feel superior when you repress your feelings. Because everyone knows that brooding just is cool. Still, if you do decide to express yourself, you’ll own the outcome of whichever type of sharing you choose, so that’s pretty boss too. Even if you fuck it up. Ha ha!

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know when people are reminding you to look at all the good things you have in your life? And you feel bad because you know you should be more grateful? Fuck that.

It should be okay to revel in the pain of knowing it could always be better. So it could be worse. So who fucking cares? It could be fucking better!

And in the process of being ungrateful, you learn a lot of self-focus for survival. It takes a lot to handle depression, so it should be okay to think about your own life and be upset that it isn’t perfect.

Thinking about all the things that could be worse is also really depressing so why would people suggest you do that to feel better? And thinking of the things that could be even better is overwhelming, but at least it gives you something to dream about when you are miserable.

And when someone wants to be just happy with where they are and exactly what they have. Fuck them. It’s okay to be miserable always wanting more than what you have, because that’s what’s happening to people all the time, they’re just being dishonest and trying to pretend everything is okay.

So think about how much life sucks and how it could be better, or worse, or whatever the fuck, if you want to think about it. And if you don’t. Then don’t. Either way, gratitude for what you have only gets you so far. There’s more to life than appreciating what you have, and that’s okay.

*Ghost Written*

So you know how sometimes you might consider killing people?

When you feel the need to cull, remember that is probably unnecessary.

Yet if you get impatient, you might choose to contemplate murder as a solution.

It is likely you can find other solutions to avoid doing something that can never be undone.

Anything that is in this world already, exists, and to murder something out of this world, is to risk losing something that could be useful.

So when you have the thoughts related to killing, consider them, and consider the alternatives.

(Note: written with some external direction.)

Sometimes people want fucked up shit to happen to them because they are stupid, and because it makes them feel like they have a reason for why they feel so fucked up… They are looking for an external reason for the internal depression.

The result is that sometimes hearing about bad things happening to other people makes them wish something bad would happen to them, means that when something bad does happen they feel good about it.

And because they want to be interesting, so pain does that for them. As in, reading stories about orphans and then imagining that you are one, even though you should be grateful to have parents. (This can also mean you are upset with your parents. Perhaps they have something to do with the root cause of your depression.)

It makes you a “bad person.” Yeah. It is still a result of the depression, so when you feel better, that victim complex diminishes on its own. If it is making you upset that you think this way, alleviating your overall depression will alter this mindset as well.

(Note: with some additional ghost comments.)

So you know how you’re a judgmental bitch? And sometimes this seems to prove useful, and other times this makes people want to fuck you up or avoid you?

Being “too judgmental” is a way to isolate oneself by believing that you’re better than everyone, or by other people not being able to cope with your analytical thinking. At times, it’s okay to lie about the most critical truths you can come up with, or soften them to fit in with your society.

But when you exert the effort to shut yourself up, that’s doing something nice. Thinking judgmental thoughts is okay. It happens. Everyone does it. Sometimes you say them. Sometimes you spare people. And that’s a kindness.

That’s something you don’t have to do, and yet you do it. Because you care about your impact on other people. And caring about your impact on other people is a kindness.

Also, if you find yourself hating on everyone, perhaps that’s because everyone sucks. And you can try to communicate in a way where hopefully they will stop, or you can spend some time on your own.

So judging things has uses and restraining judgement also has uses. Figuring out when to share one’s thoughts or observations can take calibration, and yet doing so at all means you’re being considerate.

(Note: some ghost suggestions occurred.)