Work in Progress III

Well this blog is called DepressionFTW, or “Depression for the Win”, and so it really is meant to be first and foremost a blog about how to help oneself deal with symptoms of depression. However, the author of this blog, Sara Bernick Mishra, has come to have interesting developments in her mental health since she began writing, or ghost writing as it were.

Consequently, does she need to rename this blog? Is there a more specific label that describes her individual experience that she should plaster all over every post? For now, the answer is that if you want a personal identity blog from Sara Bernick Mishra, encourage her to write an autobiography. This remains a blog on alleviating the symptoms of depression and navigating the relevant complexes that Sara Bernick Mishra encountered within her mind, and those that she observed from the behaviors of others with the condition.

What is the future of this blog now that I, Sara Bernick Mishra, am not suffering from symptoms of depression? For now, I think it is important to the conversation about mental health around the world, and hopefully, it still can serve as a resource to individuals who are bored with their misery.

Will there be more posts? Maybe. There will certainly always be more to say.

*Mind-Controlled*

Life is Hard Again

So you know when people are reminding you to look at all the good things you have in your life? And you feel bad because you know you should be more grateful? Fuck that.

It should be okay to revel in the pain of knowing it could always be better. So it could be worse. So who fucking cares? It could be fucking better!

And in the process of being ungrateful, you learn a lot of self-focus for survival. It takes a lot to handle depression, so it should be okay to think about your own life and be upset that it isn’t perfect.

Thinking about all the things that could be worse is also really depressing so why would people suggest you do that to feel better? And thinking of the things that could be even better is overwhelming, but at least it gives you something to dream about when you are miserable.

And when someone wants to be just happy with where they are and exactly what they have. Fuck them. It’s okay to be miserable always wanting more than what you have, because that’s what’s happening to people all the time, they’re just being dishonest and trying to pretend everything is okay.

So think about how much life sucks and how it could be better, or worse, or whatever the fuck, if you want to think about it. And if you don’t. Then don’t. Either way, gratitude for what you have only gets you so far. There’s more to life than appreciating what you have, and that’s okay.

*Ghost Written*

Murder on the Brain

So you know how sometimes you might consider killing people?

When you feel the need to cull, remember that is probably unnecessary.

Yet if you get impatient, you might choose to contemplate murder as a solution.

It is likely you can find other solutions to avoid doing something that can never be undone.

Anything that is in this world already, exists, and to murder something out of this world, is to risk losing something that could be useful.

So when you have the thoughts related to killing, consider them, and consider the alternatives.

(Note: written with some external direction.)

The Orphan Complex

Sometimes people want fucked up shit to happen to them because they are stupid, and because it makes them feel like they have a reason for why they feel so fucked up… They are looking for an external reason for the internal depression.

The result is that sometimes hearing about bad things happening to other people makes them wish something bad would happen to them, means that when something bad does happen they feel good about it.

And because they want to be interesting, so pain does that for them. As in, reading stories about orphans and then imagining that you are one, even though you should be grateful to have parents. (This can also mean you are upset with your parents. Perhaps they have something to do with the root cause of your depression.)

It makes you a “bad person.” Yeah. It is still a result of the depression, so when you feel better, that victim complex diminishes on its own. If it is making you upset that you think this way, alleviating your overall depression will alter this mindset as well.

(Note: with some additional ghost comments.)

Close Control

So you know how you’re a judgmental bitch? And sometimes this seems to prove useful, and other times this makes people want to fuck you up or avoid you?

Being “too judgmental” is a way to isolate oneself by believing that you’re better than everyone, or by other people not being able to cope with your analytical thinking. At times, it’s okay to lie about the most critical truths you can come up with, or soften them to fit in with your society.

But when you exert the effort to shut yourself up, that’s doing something nice. Thinking judgmental thoughts is okay. It happens. Everyone does it. Sometimes you say them. Sometimes you spare people. And that’s a kindness.

That’s something you don’t have to do, and yet you do it. Because you care about your impact on other people. And caring about your impact on other people is a kindness.

Also, if you find yourself hating on everyone, perhaps that’s because everyone sucks. And you can try to communicate in a way where hopefully they will stop, or you can spend some time on your own.

So judging things has uses and restraining judgement also has uses. Figuring out when to share one’s thoughts or observations can take calibration, and yet doing so at all means you’re being considerate.

(Note: some ghost suggestions occurred.)

Separated Metaphors VIII

So you know how sometimes you find yourself dwelling on something? Like you have thoughts clotted in your mind, and want to cut them out of your head, yet are scared because they are still a part of you.

Whether it’s obsessing over something trivial or traumatic, there’s always a reason behind why those particular thoughts keep re-occuring. And since they connect to other thoughts or experiences, dwelling can be useful because self-reflection can lead to growth and greater self-awareness. Especially if you’re focused on one cluster of thoughts, and then you find out that you’re really trying to process a different cluster.

Rather than needing to cut those thoughts out, figuring out how to understand and dissolve them so that they process naturally is the better option. Psyche surgery can be too strong given that clot may be something you need to express to yourself or others.

Brains have natural defense mechanisms and drains, so they’ll activate after you’ve figured out why your thoughts are clustering and clogging your mind. Instead of hating yourself for dwelling, using obsessive thoughts as a guide to your mind can provide you with a chance to become even better than before, and help strengthen mind-defenses.

Your thoughts came from you. Resolve clusters, and let your mind process.

 

Keeping the Habit

“Inspired by Sara’s struggle with sugar addiction and her deep love of Linkin Park song titles. Also, because it’s Halloween! SO EAT CANDY. I will. Preferably in front of Sara to make her cry with jealousy.”

(Yet another idea drafted a while ago… The ghost writer is cruel, yet still convincing. “And beware of dentists!”)

If you want to manage your time better, then work on that. Though it may not happen right away, if you keep practicing your skills, you’ll get there.

If you want to change any behaviors, go for it. Though you can’t just sit around, or expect it to happen so quickly, with effort you’ll be able to adapt.

And if you want to keep habits, in any capacity, then you can make that decision as well.

Work Hard Work Hard

“Inspired by the old adage, and those who can’t do the playing part… Si-won and crew… Said the ghost writer. Who didn’t contribute. Because he too is a lazy bitch. Happy Halloween again!”

(Another draft idea from a while ago.)

Some people feel more comfortable when they’re working, and when people get in their way, that’s just a hassle.

Work as hard as you want. Just make sure to track your productivity and watch the stress.

Working and then working some more can build momentum. Sometimes it’s important to take breaks, rest, and then return to working. Sometimes it’s okay to continue working because you feel very motivated.

You know how you work, so you decide when to work and for how long.