So my ever-growing friend wants to explain something about depressed people, and “sociopaths,” and morality, and the importance of social assistance programs in preventing vigilante justice.

Because he had some stoner comments (or insightful government policy stoner suggestions) about the movie (FernGully), even though he wasn’t even high while re-watching it. He’s a clean one. Always respectable, that guy.

Pretty much all of the following is what he wanted to ghost write… So… Yeah… Just going to let it happen:

Because some people, man, they like, love Batty (bi-polar faggot). And I’m all like, fuckers, I love Hexxus. And here’s why: because that fucker was right. Like humans and faeries, kind of having a gay war in the forest. But this bitch, Hexxus, is just “FUCK YOU. YOU CUT DOWN MY HOUSE. EVERYONE DIE!”

 

AND in talented song about his sociopathic love. Because this guy Hexxus, is like, he’s like,  just the messenger guys. Just the one who gets the bigger picture, but sub-textually is saying “fuck off, I want my house back.” So like. Don’t hate. Don’t hate.

 

Because it’s like UP. The Disney-Pixar thing. But if like, everyone was killing the old guy because he’s not happy about developers fucking with his property.  Right? So UP guy, he goes on a gay adventure. But like, in FernGully, this Shinto-esque smoke friend (monster friend), is really upset that his house got messed up. And HE tries to use the human developers against everyone in the forest to say “IF IT’S MY HOUSE. IT’S YOUR HOUSE TOO BITCHES.”

 

Like, watch it without sound. You’ll realize that Hexxus. Is just right. Because like, did the faeries fix his fucking house? No. They just got mad at him. Even though he’s probably pretty upset about his awesome tree being hurt by humans. But then like, at the end, they gave him a new home. I bet that calmed him down. Made him happier.

 

So next time, instead of MAKING Hexxus fuck up the forest because he’s homeless and wants you to give a fuck, just do your job faeries. That’s all I’m saying. Just be better faerie welfare for your smoke friend, Hexxus. Get him a new house faster, and then no one gets hurt. No one gets upset.

 

Because like FUCK Zak. That blonde, retarded apathic nightmare just distracts everyone from poor Hexxus’ quest to get a new house. Zak and that faerie bitch should fuck in the first few minutes of the movie, so then later they could go find the awesome smoke friend a house. Home. Tree. Yeah, tree.

 

And FUCK Batty. He’s just distracting the faeries from their displacement management responsibilities. Like these must be conservative faeries, not giving a fuck or something.

 

Where’s all the gay hippie love for Hexxus? Faeries? Make him a refugee camp of one, or this cool fucker is going to mess your shit up, so you get him. Obvious right answer.

 

Point is: thanks grandma faerie. THANKS FOR DOING YOUR JOB RIGHT BY POOR HOMELESS HEXXUS.

And so, in sum: If you don’t help the saddest, angriest citizen of the forest quickly enough… You get fucked up. Socially. Let that be a lesson to faeries, humans, and all creatures, really. You’re only as happy as your unhappiest smoke friend.

(Note: I essentially transcribed this. Without much editing. Just a few formatting changes.)