Political Update

So if you’ve been following the snippets of life narrative that find their way into this blog, you would know that I, Sara Bernick Mishra, the author of DepressionFTW, have a mental health condition that has sometimes resulted in my having symptoms of depression. What is that condition? Well I mentioned before that I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and if you ask me on the day to day, that’s what I’d probably respond with, but the truth of my experience has been more complex than the symptoms that are commonly described by that condition.

I have always lived my life with feelings that I was special in some capacity, and in Middle School, this took a darker turn because I believed that other people were hurting me in some capacity, and I wanted all of humanity dead. I make these connections now, but actually these experiences were very disconnected from each other, and it is with a contemporary lens that I write this exact account of my mental health. With that in mind, I’d say I have had a very sensitive disposition to emotional pain, and I came to realize that at this time.

Years passed and my antipathy to humanity mellowed, but when I was reading a book about sociopathy I also noticed that I had some other traits related to that condition such as occasional cruelty to animals, and an ability to take perspectives, but not necessarily to empathize. I also was constantly putting up a front of being an amiable, non-threatening person despite my inner “angst” and so while people knew sometimes that I was putting on a show, I don’t think they fully understood just how little I wanted to be interacting with them.

I came out about the fact that I suspected I had this condition in 2013 on my Facebook, and chose to share it with the people who knew me well for a few reasons: 1) I wanted to relieve some of the pressure of playing pretend; 2) I was trying to head off people using my manipulative abilities to their advantage; 3) I was trying to warn other people to be cautious with me because I am not always what I seem; and 4) I was trying to reduce the responsibility going forward to be in social situations I was not interested in.

Nobody believed me, but some people asked questions. And I figured, I had done the right thing because I had warned everyone close to me about my condition.

And yet, here I am today with a different label and a lot of confusion about how to manage a different set of “symptoms.” That being, that I, Sara Bernick Mishra, have come to believe in concepts like mind control and psychic phenomenon.

I called myself the “ghost writer” on my blog, and this was a manifestation of moments where I believed another person was planning my writing and almost transcribing it through my body. Sometimes I believe that another person is planning what words I say, or even what thoughts I think. That is what I mean by mind control.

And it’s not just me. I think that the world is run by mind controllers, and they coordinate large swathes of people as well as specific individuals. The time their actions with other people, and with natural and man-made phenomenon like hurricanes or TV commercials.

Why am I finally confessing to these very strange thoughts? And do I understand that it means I have to face an additional level of societal scrutiny because of them?

The answer is that I sometimes feel as though I’m being psychically prompted to be direct about my experiences. For better and for worse, I also achieve catharsis telling the truth about these different perspectives that I carry with me.

Right now, the prompt is to remind the U.S. government that I am an upstanding American citizen who has done her best her whole life to be a decent person, and who has even gone out of her way to side with her country in international disputes. When I believe I have been capable of free will, I have exercised it with an awareness of my responsibility to all people, and to all concepts of God, and to all of creation or nature.

This might be hurtful to some people, because nation-states are a dividing force in this world. Yet I admit I have taken action with the intent of being an American patriot, and I have to represent myself with this knowledge.

I have applied to several government agencies, and for several security clearances, with varying amounts of success. I understand that because of my mindset and beliefs, I am only viable for certain positions at this point in time.

But, I have been told to put in writing, that it’s really time someone from the U.S. government responded to my cry for help with regard to the person I have accused of being the mind controller. I also would like to be considered sane again, because there are those who know that my experiences are not of my own imagination.

So to the U.S. government, please understand that I am again making the request that someone help me handle this situation without gaslighting, and with an awareness of the fact that it’s been taking at least 10 years to get people to realize I am still a person with a desire for respect of my emotional and body integrity.

Thank you.

P.S. I did not want to move forward with my life anymore after Jason sabotaged my Air Force Selection, and I feel uncomfortable that people seem to be forcing me to work while I wait for the authorities to respond to my call for help.

I will work when I have to, but this type of coerced labor is painful, and frightening, and even though it seems like I have to do this to fulfill societal obligations, these expectations are unfair and immoral. So if you offer me the chance to prove that I don’t want to work, then I will take those opportunities, but I also want to demonstrate that I am responding to the requests for expenditure of effort that have been foisted upon me.

On Inspiring Others

So the some of you who lurk (and the some of you who read and are less obscured) may have seen that there have been people inspired by the DepressionFTW style of communication. I know I’ve seen at least one music video, blog post, movie, book and commercial that seems to allude to my work. And sometimes when you see people taking inspiration from each other, it can beg the question: does it matter who said what first?

Throughout time and history, I’d argue the answer has been yes for a variety of reasons. But, in the case of this blog, I think it is a little more nuanced, because using these tactics can help spread a message that will hopefully provide support to people who might not feel comfortable seeking advice directly from the source.

I think that the purpose of this blog has been to alleviate readers’ symptoms of depression. But there are many people who do not know they are depressed, do not want to admit they are depressed, or do not want to read about depression. If another content creator gets inspired and wants to help people deal with their condition, isn’t that a good thing? And if they just want to do a little shoutout? Isn’t it nice to feel heard?

The only thing is that this blog has a mission, and it’s sometimes a little heavy. I have loved the esoteric shoutouts and seeing people inspired by the counterintuitive negative self-talk of the blog. Just remember that like how I am responsible for how people are inspired by my work, people who reference this work to inspire others are also now a part of that chain of responsibility. And if you don’t know exactly why I was using certain techniques, just be cautious about when you take them on for your own writing.

But that’s such a downer! Why can’t people just write their hearts content and overshare all their inspired thoughts and feelings! And who says your writing is so unique? You were inspired by other bloggers so should you really act like such a king of depressed logic?

We’ve all got our own fears of inspiring something that goes counter to our values, and so it’s important to me to pass on the responsibility of preserving the message of DepressionFTW.

*Mind-Controlled*

Do It Your Self DepressionFTW Posting

So you might be wondering: what does it take to make a DepressionFTW post? Well you’re in luck, because I am going to reveal my personal guidelines for how to write a post that embodies the spirit of DepressionFTW.

  • Remember, it’s less about giving advice and more about describing those oh so familiar thoughts that are associated with the downside of depression and then giving them a life of their own. Whether you agree with the depressed mindset or want to disprove it, it’s okay to embrace these contradictions and even disagree with some parts of what you’re saying. But, you can’t lose sight of the true argument that you’re trying to convey and so some amount of consistency is key. (See what I just did there. That’s an example, it sure is.)

  • Culture, religion, and philosophy are a part of the backdrop of each post, but the centerpieces are the thought processes caused by the symptoms of depression. It’s not always easy to determine which thoughts are “depressed”, but sometimes you just know or remember that when you are/were dealing with your condition, you have/had a distinct belief or set of ideas that you want to deconstruct via a post.

  • Responsibility is a part of the DepressionFTW mentality, so certain behaviors that are considered understandable, are still not considered entirely acceptable. For example, violence has certain legal uses in contemporary societies around the world, and sometimes it is hard to know what the boundaries of the legitimate use of force are. Yet most people would agree that there should be some limitations on aggressive behavior. This blog tends to focus on avoiding causing long-term physical damage or harm to other living creatures or objects of value, or at least avoiding careless destruction. It’s important to remember the consequences of our actions that will occur in the moment and those that will continue to have an impact throughout time with potential chain reactions.

  • There are no “bad guys.” Just good guys and less good guys. Because the fundamental underlying mentality of this blog is that pretty much everyone has a mental health condition, it’s just that some people are similar enough in their collective “psychoses” to be considered “normal”. This idea is controversial when expressed certain ways, but is more widely accepted when described as “normal is a societal construct.” So even though some people are “depressed”, and they have to put up with all the insensitive assholes that don’t get them, those insensitive assholes might actually also have symptoms of depression, or some form of another mental health condition.

  • The speaking style is what gets through to your intended reader and also comes from your impression of your own experience of depression. This blog uses a lot of cursing and informal speaking styles because the author found that from her experience, she was capable of connecting to advice when it was said in a way that expressed the rougher side of communication, but still ultimately delivered affirmations. It’s like when you say “this really sucks, but it’s also really cool” as opposed to leading with the positive information and ending on a negative note.

  • Lastly, a few fun stylistic elements are: 1) I like to keep it to six paragraphs most of the time. There’s essentially a “thesis” statement, but actually I enjoy the freedom of doing a free-write so rather than seeing the first paragraph as something to prove, it’s more like a theme to guide the subsequent sections. 2) I like the conversational style of beginning the introductory and concluding paragraphs with “so” or “so you know”. It’s kind of a way of saying “am I right?” to every person reading. 3) I think it’s fun to come up with titles that are a play on a idiom or common sense. It is also okay to just say what you want. The title is usually thematically tied to the topics of the article.

That’s how the magic happens! I’ve got a few more tricks up my sleeve, and yet with these guidelines you can write your own DepressionFTW-style post and express all the essay rants that you’ve been drafting in your own mind. If you’d like to share, please feel free to go ahead in the comments. You never know who you might inspire.

*Mind-Controlled*

Work in Progress III

Well this blog is called DepressionFTW, or “Depression for the Win”, and so it really is meant to be first and foremost a blog about how to help oneself deal with symptoms of depression. However, the author of this blog, Sara Bernick Mishra, has come to have interesting developments in her mental health since she began writing, or ghost writing as it were.

Consequently, does she need to rename this blog? Is there a more specific label that describes her individual experience that she should plaster all over every post? For now, the answer is that if you want a personal identity blog from Sara Bernick Mishra, encourage her to write an autobiography. This remains a blog on alleviating the symptoms of depression and navigating the relevant complexes that Sara Bernick Mishra encountered within her mind, and those that she observed from the behaviors of others with the condition.

What is the future of this blog now that I, Sara Bernick Mishra, am not suffering from symptoms of depression? For now, I think it is important to the conversation about mental health around the world, and hopefully, it still can serve as a resource to individuals who are bored with their misery.

Will there be more posts? Maybe. There will certainly always be more to say.

*Mind-Controlled*

Work In Progress II

My ever-growing friend suggested I clarify that 1) he is part of my ghost writer, 2) using numbered lists in GRE essays should really be okay, but from my experience, it is ill advised, and 3) when I mentioned speaking privately in a post from a few years ago, I was referring to being his sponsor about a sex addiction.

He says he recovered because his depression abated, and so he could more readily reject encounters or interactions that were self-sabotaging as well as stave off relapses. He says a few of his cohort have also improved psychologically because his recovery has enabled him to assist others.

He wanted me to mention that this blog was started partly because of a reaction to television programs and other media that depicted people with mental health conditions, and yet did not successfully communicate any understanding about what causes lead to or results occur from these psychological phenomenons known as “crazy people.”

“Insanity is a societal construct.” — Sara Bernick Mishra (to her ever-growing friend in the Spring of 2013)

My ever-growing friend says: “Why not deconstruct it?”

Keeping the Habit

“Inspired by Sara’s struggle with sugar addiction and her deep love of Linkin Park song titles. Also, because it’s Halloween! SO EAT CANDY. I will. Preferably in front of Sara to make her cry with jealousy.”

(Yet another idea drafted a while ago… The ghost writer is cruel, yet still convincing. “And beware of dentists!”)

If you want to manage your time better, then work on that. Though it may not happen right away, if you keep practicing your skills, you’ll get there.

If you want to change any behaviors, go for it. Though you can’t just sit around, or expect it to happen so quickly, with effort you’ll be able to adapt.

And if you want to keep habits, in any capacity, then you can make that decision as well.

Work Hard Work Hard

“Inspired by the old adage, and those who can’t do the playing part… Si-won and crew… Said the ghost writer. Who didn’t contribute. Because he too is a lazy bitch. Happy Halloween again!”

(Another draft idea from a while ago.)

Some people feel more comfortable when they’re working, and when people get in their way, that’s just a hassle.

Work as hard as you want. Just make sure to track your productivity and watch the stress.

Working and then working some more can build momentum. Sometimes it’s important to take breaks, rest, and then return to working. Sometimes it’s okay to continue working because you feel very motivated.

You know how you work, so you decide when to work and for how long.

Time Spent is Time Wasted

“I, the spooky ghost writer, among other names, want this published before Halloween. Sara drafted the idea a while ago, but hadn’t published it, so I was all, ‘Quote. Make it a direct comment. Lazy bitch. Quote.’ Happy Pre-Halloween. Trick or Treat! You sad fucks, you!”

(The ghost writer is rude, yet convincing. And so…)

You’re always wasting your time. You could always be doing something better. And you could always be doing something worse. And more than that, you could always be more productive. At either.

Yet, it doesn’t really matter, because how you choose to spend your time is how you choose to spend your time. Who really cares if it’s wasted?

Experiences

Denying past experiences or parts of yourself can be stagnant. A part of you keeps returning to those things because you haven’t accepted them. It is sad to say good bye to those things, because they were a part of you, and so you might want to keep them that way or want to avoid things changing. Those parts of you and experiences will have always been a part of you, and experienced.

Wanting to change yourself, does not mean denying yourself. Wanting to accept yourself, does not mean that you will want to keep everything the same. Wanting to accept yourself, and change, works.

(And for those who get the joke, it’s Berlioz. Everybody wants to be a cat…)