So you know how you’re stoic and don’t like to communicate? Not just like talking, but actually sharing your deep inner workings. And you keep all your feelings inside except for when, sometimes, you are struck with an urgent need to express yourself somehow, just never in a way that’s responsible or healthy, because that would be gay?

It’s funny how depression can make you feel like being repressed makes you superior to other people. All you are doing is refusing to communicate, but you think you’re fucking awesome as fuck for not being a mouthy loser who shares too much. And there’s all that time where you talk talk talk, but always keep the important stuff trapped inside, misleading everyone around you.

Then if you do decide to communicate, it might be an effusive mudslide of first in last out trauma from years past, which sucks. Or an eruption of angry last in first out bullshit ragers against all the people who most recently fucked you over with their assholery. And really these options, and the many many more, are all awful, so really communicating is just the worst, and all the people trying to get you to do it can get fucked.

The bad news is: yes exactly, never communicate. The good news is: you have free will and can express yourself the way you want to, and to who you want to, as long as you’re prepared for the consequences of whichever form of honesty (or dishonesty) that you choose.

Because it’s funny how you’re actually the one deciding what is so important that you should NOT share it. Get the gist? Like society does make everyone conform to bullshit expectations, but you’re still the ultimate arbiter of what is too taboo or trivial to communicate to others. Whether you go to therapy, talk to a confidant, or just rage when you want to, all options for communication are yours to think over, even if you just decide to stick with not communicating.

So you can feel superior when you repress your feelings. Because everyone knows that brooding just is cool. Still, if you do decide to express yourself, you’ll own the outcome of whichever type of sharing you choose, so that’s pretty boss too. Even if you fuck it up. Ha ha!

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know when people are reminding you to look at all the good things you have in your life? And you feel bad because you know you should be more grateful? Fuck that.

It should be okay to revel in the pain of knowing it could always be better. So it could be worse. So who fucking cares? It could be fucking better!

And in the process of being ungrateful, you learn a lot of self-focus for survival. It takes a lot to handle depression, so it should be okay to think about your own life and be upset that it isn’t perfect.

Thinking about all the things that could be worse is also really depressing so why would people suggest you do that to feel better? And thinking of the things that could be even better is overwhelming, but at least it gives you something to dream about when you are miserable.

And when someone wants to be just happy with where they are and exactly what they have. Fuck them. It’s okay to be miserable always wanting more than what you have, because that’s what’s happening to people all the time, they’re just being dishonest and trying to pretend everything is okay.

So think about how much life sucks and how it could be better, or worse, or whatever the fuck, if you want to think about it. And if you don’t. Then don’t. Either way, gratitude for what you have only gets you so far. There’s more to life than appreciating what you have, and that’s okay.

*Ghost Written*

So you know how sometimes you might consider killing people?

When you feel the need to cull, remember that is probably unnecessary.

Yet if you get impatient, you might choose to contemplate murder as a solution.

It is likely you can find other solutions to avoid doing something that can never be undone.

Anything that is in this world already, exists, and to murder something out of this world, is to risk losing something that could be useful.

So when you have the thoughts related to killing, consider them, and consider the alternatives.

(Note: written with some external direction.)

Sometimes people want fucked up shit to happen to them because they are stupid, and because it makes them feel like they have a reason for why they feel so fucked up… They are looking for an external reason for the internal depression.

The result is that sometimes hearing about bad things happening to other people makes them wish something bad would happen to them, means that when something bad does happen they feel good about it.

And because they want to be interesting, so pain does that for them. As in, reading stories about orphans and then imagining that you are one, even though you should be grateful to have parents. (This can also mean you are upset with your parents. Perhaps they have something to do with the root cause of your depression.)

It makes you a “bad person.” Yeah. It is still a result of the depression, so when you feel better, that victim complex diminishes on its own. If it is making you upset that you think this way, alleviating your overall depression will alter this mindset as well.

(Note: with some additional ghost comments.)

So you know how you’re a judgmental bitch? And sometimes this seems to prove useful, and other times this makes people want to fuck you up or avoid you?

Being “too judgmental” is a way to isolate oneself by believing that you’re better than everyone, or by other people not being able to cope with your analytical thinking. At times, it’s okay to lie about the most critical truths you can come up with, or soften them to fit in with your society.

But when you exert the effort to shut yourself up, that’s doing something nice. Thinking judgmental thoughts is okay. It happens. Everyone does it. Sometimes you say them. Sometimes you spare people. And that’s a kindness.

That’s something you don’t have to do, and yet you do it. Because you care about your impact on other people. And caring about your impact on other people is a kindness.

Also, if you find yourself hating on everyone, perhaps that’s because everyone sucks. And you can try to communicate in a way where hopefully they will stop, or you can spend some time on your own.

So judging things has uses and restraining judgement also has uses. Figuring out when to share one’s thoughts or observations can take calibration, and yet doing so at all means you’re being considerate.

(Note: some ghost suggestions occurred.)

So you know how everyone gets sad sometimes? And then later some people seem so happy, but you don’t? Which means they are fucking liars. Or are liars themselves.

While other people may seem happy, it is because they are pretending. They are superficial. Putting on a facade and faking success.Trying to look good and outdo everyone. But only part of the time. Because the rest of the time they are happy, and you’re the miserable one. Ha ha! Sucks to be you.

Other people aren’t happy all the time, yet they are happy some of the time, while depressed people are typically happy less often. These joyous-looking people still feel sadness, but they find ways of reframing it, or they experience their sadness privately. On other occasions, some people even pretend to be sad for pity purposes or to get everyone to be sympathetic to them. But similar to before, sometimes they are just miserable, not pretending to be.

Everyone has natural ups and downs, and that can be fun. So the goal isn’t to eliminate misery, but rather it’s to be happy when things are happy, and to let yourself be sad when things are sad. Then again, if you want to keep your misery, then that’s a part of your natural behavior, so just do what you want. To do. And Maroon 5!

Feelings can be a competition. Where you want to feel something more than another person, or less. Each person is different, and comparing will not always guarantee that you feel the way you want to. It’s a good idea to consider what feelings you want to experience. Also, when and how you want to feel them.

So French musicals have titles that are relevant in English. And feelings continue to be felt by those who feel them.

(Note: significant ghost writing and some musical recommendations occurred.)

So you know how you are overthinking it?

Good!

It’s okay to overthink things, because it makes you safe and smart and stuff. The issue is when you have things you want to do, and can’t, because thinking is stopping you.

The solution, is to make sure that you take care of thinking through the biggest dangers, then just do what you wanted to do. If it’s not going to fuck anything up too much, then it’s okay.

And like with making decisions, it helps to write things down before, during, or after the thinking process. Lists! And notes! And warnings! And evaluations! And assorted comments to yourself!

If you feel stupid, because you’re thinking too much, then feel stupid. Looking stupid sucks. But it’s okay. You get used to it.

So overthink and such.

(Note: some ghost writing, editing, and additional suggestions occurred.)

So you know how sometimes you want to keep your depression?

As in, you want to keep it. Not get rid of it.

If that’s the case, then do so. Since you want to.

And if you want to alleviate your symptoms, then do so. Since you want to.

Let it go little by little at your own pace… This is something you’ve lived with and grown to accept as part of yourself.

So keep it the way you choose, in whatever capacity is preferable to you .

(Note: with some ghost suggestions.)

So you know how you end up fighting yourself? And the conflict in your mind can drive you crazy? Er. Crazier.

 Your mind has two hemispheres. Typically. When it’s difficult to make a decision, avoid sabotaging yourself, manage internal criticism, or other internal actions, it’s because you may be truly experiencing a conflict between parts of your mind.

Your depression plays you against yourself. It takes your most valuable assets, your intelligence, beauty, physical strength, various skill sets, admirable qualities, and finds a way to make that your downfall.

Part of your mind may convince you that critical thinking is the only skill that matters. That it’s worth staying miserable, in conflict with your other thoughts and feelings so that you can continue to maintain your ability to see the negative, or flaws in everything and everyone.

You can keep the critical thinking, and also manage its ability to convince you that nothing else is of value. Arguing back to defend the other parts of your mind and related skills, desires, or qualities, keeps you from forgetting the rest of yourself. Giving too much attention to your depression, can mean other parts of you remain underdeveloped or unexpressed, which can lead to self-anger and frustration.

So unite with yourself in order to tame your depression. Recognize that it is an important part of you, yet it is only one part. It’s good to remember the rest of you as well.

(Note: more ghost writing occurred!)

So you know how you’re a really boring person? And everything you do is average and unspectacular and completely the norm and just like everybody else and everyone is the same and no one has any individuality and there are no special people and snowflakes melt into puddles and communism. Question mark.

Average doesn’t exist. Since there are people above and below, there is no such thing as average. And this may suck, because there is a comfort in average. But luckily, there are so many things that people can be above or below at, different things, and that makes everybody unique and special. Because you care.

And that’s what makes it interesting. The calibration. The being better and worse. You’ve always got an advantage at something even if it’s just because you got a head start. Or a jump start. After all, babies are pretty stupid. Often it’s because you invested in that something. And other people chose to invest in something else. That’s fine.

If you have an issue with the something you chose, choose something else.  If you’re concerned about the bottom of the pool, where no one can do anything, help the bottom pool find somethings. Help all the losers at the bottom bake pies that aren’t as delicious as yours, but are still better than nothing. Again, because you care.

We’re all exceptions to the norm. The norm is a myth. We’re all above and below in many realms. At many skills. In many ways.  Or at least some realms, some skills, and some ways.

So we’re all the outlaws of averages. YUP.

(Note: with some suggestions from my ever-growing friend.)