So you know how sometimes getting better can feel great, and yet it can come with changes in behavior that are less predictable?

If you need to stay depressed to function, should you? Sometimes people have conditions where getting better can cause them to transform into entirely different people, so what does that mean for their social life?

When having to make these decisions sometimes it is important to pay attention to how much misery you can take because remember kids, the world is awful, and even when you feel better there will still be miserable parts that suck.

And yet it’s not always safe to stay depressed just to maintain consistency. It can decrease your ability to handle stress or be resilient in difficult situations which puts you at risk.

Then again when you are getting better, the habits you use can still be risky or controversial. What is important is to pay attention to your development and make conscious decisions of whether you can afford to change and if those changes are consistently beneficial. It is frustrating sometimes to be self-aware, and yet that insight is needed to make sure that you stay healthy and responsible while you move through different statuses of depression.

So you can feel worse if that makes you feel better, and you can feel better if that’s what you need to survive. Everything can be a trade-off and yet it is possible to have improved feelings about life as long as you make sure to stay safe and observe the changes in your development.

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know how it sucks to be victimized? Like made to feel awful and hurt? And yet sometimes saturating yourself in that feeling like someone caused you pain and you were innocent can also have catharsis.

It can be intoxicating to feel victimized, and yet it can also create cycles where you take that feeling out on other people. The question then becomes: did you really want to hurt someone else the way you had been hurt?

Because sometimes we seek out similarities in other people and try to create mutual understanding through shared experience. Still, it’s painful to cause other people pain and it makes you feel like a bad person. Are you actually a bad person? Do you deserve to feel guilt? That depends on the circumstances and yet being the victim can make it possible for you to victimize other people who truly weren’t the ones responsible for your initial pain.

Sometimes we feel guilty because we keep trying to feel like something wasn’t our fault. And this can sometimes be remedied with tricking our brain into thinking we were responsible for something that we weren’t responsible for. However, it is usually best not to just accept a lie because it makes you feel better. Rather delineating how responsible you were for something, and then examining why you took the action that caused further victimization will probably provide better clarity.

When you need to feel like you were the victim, that is important to note. It’s just that this requires balance with other people around you and their perception on whether you too have been an aggressor. It’s hard sometimes to acknowledge that people can be more than just the one who was hurt. They can also cause hurt to happen.

So can you feel okay feeling victimized? Or do you need to reframe and decide that you were sometimes responsible or the aggressor? Or do you need to blame the party or parties responsible for victimizing you? It takes critical thinking to navigate, so if you want to be more or less the victim, then that’s possible. And Linkin Park!

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know how nostalgia can be so much fun to experience even if the moments you revisit are miserable or sadness inducing? This makes one wonder, is it really okay to feel nostalgia, or is it really “pain from an old wound” as some have posited.

Well revisiting the past can be appealing because it can seem better than the present reality, or even perfect. Sometimes you long for things because they no longer exist in the present, but what’s interesting is that what you long for can be related to the present.

It might not be as obvious as missing your friends from the past because you’re lonely in the current moment, because sometimes you can literally be having fun with friends and reminiscing over good times. And it’s not as clear as missing being really fit when you were a teenager because you have developed a chronic ailment, because you may have been depressed as a teenager too and having really challenging experiences. Basically, nostalgia isn’t just reflecting on past moments because of a miserable present. You might be happy in the past and present, and you might be sad in the past and present, which is weirder because why do you miss being sad in the past if you have current misery to deal with?

What’s sometimes the more relevant question about nostalgia is do you have the luxury to experience these feelings, or do you have to stay obsessively focused on the present? Maybe luxury isn’t the right word, but sometimes the time and attention we spend on the past can serve as an exercise in reflection that removes us from contemporary consciousness. And are the thoughts you’re reflecting on helping you heal and grow, or are they keeping you mired in a negative state of mind?

Then again reflection on negative thoughts can inspire that very growth because they can teach you what to avoid or how to improve for the future. And fuck it who says everything has to be about “getting better” it should be okay to think about the past when you were sad, and say, “that was so sad.” What about catharsis? What about emotional experience?

So is nostalgia worth it? Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel bad? And is that the point? Ultimately, if you like the feeling, then you should do it. It’s not as though it could be hurting you or anything just to think about stuff. Oh it can? Well you have your answer then. Have fun!

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know how having a mental health condition like depression, or at least the symptoms of it, can come to be a defining characteristic of your personal identity? And this results in the dilemma of whether to wear your “illness” with pride, letting your neurodivergence flag fly, or to strive to conform and mask your way into normalcy? Or some combination.

That’s really a debate that everyone has to have for themselves, because it not only depends on what your internal motivation is, but also what response you might encounter from your environment. Questions can arise when weighing how expressive to be like: Is it safe? Do you want to be the same as others or different from them? Do you think there is something wrong with you? Do you think there is something better about you that makes you superior to other people?

And when the answer seems obvious to you, whatever that answer is, just recall that you live with how you represent yourself in the moment, and you also live with that representation throughout time. Make sure you have the stamina for whatever you decide.

Contemporarily, or as of February 2025, depression is often discussed as a mental illness and in American society, and perhaps other parts of the world, there is a great emphasis placed on becoming less depressed as though it is the cause of undue misery for individuals who have the condition, and sometimes those around them. However, this is only one perspective, and it sometimes is incomplete because the possible “positive effects of depression” are being overlooked, like an increase in creative potential.

With so much emphasis on seeing misery as a burden, it can sometimes be a challenge to celebrate depression, in fact the idea is sometimes too controversial to be taken seriously. And maybe that’s okay because maybe the goal to typically reduce symptoms is better for “sick” individuals and those who know them. And yet this is the decision a depressed person gets to make for themselves, even if attention to the surrounding environment is often required.

So there’s no answer here on how to define yourself with your condition in mind. There’s food for thought, and with that mind nourishment, you can continue to craft your own personal identity.

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know how you’ve heard of the term high functioning depression? And this implies the frustrating concept of low functioning depression?

Fuck that shit. High functioning is a label that people slap on individuals who are depressed, yet still can conform well enough to pass as a “normal” or even an “extraordinary” individual. So in order to be considered well-adjusted enough to have this sticker of societal approval, you need to fall in line with markers of what other people think is successful. If these markers meet your definitions of success, great! Who gives a fuck if they say that makes you high functioning, the important thing is you have met your criteria for excellence. Remember special is boring.

And if you don’t meet the expectations required for a positive sticker of societal approval, also great! Because you can instead focus on whatever the fuck you want and not have to give a shit about impressing fascistic assholes dedicated to making you fit narrowly pre-defined conventions of behavior.

Then there’s the flip-side which is the low functioning depression. These are the patterns of interaction that are not approved of or considered helpful by the people who serve as the normalcy police. And you might sometimes agree with those decisions, because you like fitting the high functioning label, or even because you feel you can’t dispute that the low functioning behaviors are negative.

But it’s a trap. It reinforces seeking external approval to define what is “well” and denigrates self-reliance that doesn’t conform to expectations of what is “functional.” And it causes people who are “high-functioning” to see this as a status symbol that they might be afraid to lose, creating pressure to conform even when it comes at a cost.

So you know high or low functioning, you decide how much to care about the label, and you choose whether or not to fake it forever.

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know how sometimes people die in horrifying ways? And this can come to overshadow the achievements and daily experiences of their lives?

Yeah the good news is that everything and everyone dies so this is a great equalizer in terms of everyone having an empty purposeless life. Why is that a good thing? Well so you don’t get jealous of all those special people of course!

And yet if we look at history as a linear narrative compiled from accounts around the world, we are faced with the fact that some people’s lives contribute to the advancement of society, and so not everyone’s life is equally purposeless. These movers and shakers can have an impact based on how they live their life, but also based on how they die and the causes they champion until their final moments.

This is a little scary because it means other people have to be traumatized by their martyrdom or by their punishment at the hands of another party. Sometimes an individual may be known as a special advocate like Mahatma Gandhi, and sometimes they are a member of a notable population, like the victims of Auschwitz. The common thread being that society remembers them in part because of the circumstances of their death.

And yet in these instances, it is important to dramatize history with regard to the ways that these people lived their lives. There is a message to be shared in not only the extraordinary communications of pivotal world leaders, but also in the common daily activities of special populations.

So you can see a person as more than their final moments, and remember to celebrate their life as well as their death. When it comes to seeing some lives as more worthwhile or well-lived, that’s a unique personal opinion even as, arguably, all lives are rendered empty and purposeless by the inevitable void.

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know how there are all these people throughout history who died poor, hungry, and penniless? Or they were assassinated? Or maybe killed by some authority? Not to mention all the diseases that wipe out swathes of humanity. And if you survive all that, your body slowly wears down until you can no longer function.

This all the begs the question… Is there really a good way to go? As humans a large amount of our efforts are spent on prolonging our life, and potentially having a more comfortable conclusion, but never forget the honest truth that death is always awful.

But wait you say! Death with Dignity! You heard it’s real in Oregon. You can’t beat successfully convincing people that it’s in everyone’s best interest for you to be able to die. And that’s just contemporary legal suicide. Throughout time and history people have found means of ending their life in a way that they decided.

Still, you’ve got to wonder if you’re looking a little too aggressively for the certainty of knowing how you’re going to go, rather than focusing on all the stuff that’s going on while you’re alive. Depression causes the mind to focus on certain topics, including those relating to death, and yet if you alleviate your symptoms of depression, you’ll find that your mind naturally occupies its time with other thoughts and stays focused on being alive.

Basically, it’s not supposed to be a struggle. Your mind naturally processes trauma and pain allowing you to consider your daily life. And instead of feeling comparative about your life or death in relation to other people, you remember that “everyone is a loser” and “everything and everyone dies.”

So you can spend your time being scared of death and how you’ll go, because that probably provides some critical thinking powers. And then you can resolve your symptoms of depression to the point where death is just a passing thought, and life is about all of the living stuff.

*Mind-Controlled*

So you know Zen right? It’s a deep concept from Buddhism, or more like a subsection of the religion, an entire philosophy and lifestyle. But this isn’t about Zen. This is about the weird stuff that you think is Zen when you’re depressed.

You know like there is no winning or losing and you should always be seeking to strive for a balanced outcome, but that balance almost always means you agreeing to something dreary.

And grey is the best color because it’s between black and white so you should make it your guiding philosophy to “be the grey.” Find that middle ground and embody it. Regardless of whether your selected self-representation is preferable by your or anyone else’s standards.

Or maybe it’s that meditation is the thing to do and you should be capable of escaping the negative thoughts that fill your mind through spending time doing nothing but sitting and breathing.

And you should go leave all your possessions and live a life of austere simplicity, and rely on just the basics for survival. Learn how to live off the earth and all that. (Although probably do not eat unfamiliar mushrooms if you do.)

So is any of this Zen? Tangentially, in some form, it might be related. Yet you may have had some thoughts akin to these or other philosophical concepts that seem deep, but are somehow not quite helpful. Whether the original principles will really be helpful to you is important to consider, but yet another level of analysis is whether the derivatives of these thoughts are understood well enough or whether a partial comprehension is detrimental to your mental health. Perhaps even to your independent reasoning.

*Mind-Controlled*