So you know how in life there are winners and losers? And how it’s all survival of the fittest and last man standing wins? It’s just a dog eat dog world and everyone’s out for their own and [insert negative world views here]?

Here is some unsettling news: everyone and everything dies. It’s sad. Maybe. Or not? Regardless, it’s true. And what does that mean? We are all losers! There’s no such thing at winning at life because ultimately, everybody meets the same end. Aiming for a more cushy death scene may be worth your while, if that’s your thing. Or perhaps a more flashy one. Just don’t let that obscure the honest, awful truth that the odds are always against you and while you may not know your expiration date, it’s somewhere on your body or hiding out there in the world. Just a pleasant surprise lying in wait.

When people spend all their time trying to one up each other or chase some goal, it’s tempting to be all “Like, why? Whatchu doing that for friend?” Similarly when they’re spending all their time with people and forming bonds or some strange shit like that. But of course the answer is obvious. They’re bored as fuck. Because really, everyone needs something to do while their alive, and those things to do are arguably about as good as any others. And so if you’re doing some of that, by all means, go with whatever keeps you occupied.

And when you’re doing well at whatever you’re doing. Getting whatever the getting is that you’re going for. Fantastic! And when you’re not doing well at whatever you’re doing. That’s fine too. When you feel tempted to look over at someone else’s life path and plans, and be a judgey Justin, totally do that. Although, remember that yours is about as stupid, so comparing is pointless. Similarly, if you think that someone’s getting a little too far in their goals and perfect for your tastes, trip them up. No wait. Don’t. Because that just makes you a total dick, and it doesn’t really matter if those people achieve their goals anyway, because they’re going to die. Might as well spend that effort figuring your own shit out and why you’re such a miserable, sabotagey bitch.

It’s tempting to think that because we all lose, life has no purpose, or meaning, or whatever whatever whatever. Yet that’s missing the point. Because you are alive. And it’s tempting to think that in the end, it doesn’t really matter… Linkin Park you seamstresses of song, you. And that again, is missing the point. Because life is less about the ending part, and more about the whole living part, which takes up a lot of time, and has a lot of stuff in it. Also meaning is overrated.

So you’re a loser. Worst fears confirmed. Good thing is you’re in bad company. Everyone’s a loser. And yet, right now, at this moment, we are all alive. What to do? What to do?

So remember how you’re a manipulative asshole? And although sometimes you do decent things for people, it’s all only for your own benefit, and this makes you an evil dark soul with no hope of redemption?

Laaaazzzzyyyyy. That’s bullshit you tell yourself so that you don’t have to put the effort into the redeeming. Intense morality debates aside, calling yourself evil is a cop out. What makes you a jerk isn’t some intrinsic permanent characteristic, it’s that you do really assholish things and then tell yourself “It’s fine,” as opposed to telling yourself, “Hey, that was kind of a dick move. Maybe I want to reflect on that, and then not to do that.” Or “Maybe I want to reflect on that, and then do it some more because acting like a total dick is awesome!!!” You own your actions, so have at it, as long as you’re prepared for the consequences. Oh and okay with emulating the little fuckers who contributed to your depression in the first place.

And this may suck for you to hear, but the second you do things for other people, that makes you automatically a more “decent person.” Everyone is a selfish cunt. Actually. Like actually. It’s inevitable that we all end up doing things that are in our own self-interest because typically that’s what it takes to ensure base level survival. At times people break the pattern because they have other self-serving motives, like being all cool and heroic, or being all self-sacrificing for their family, or being a beautiful shiny martyr for their community, or just randomly happening on an action that isn’t totally shitty for other people. Damn. This was meant to talk about why people are always selfish assholes…

Guess that gets to the heart of it! People are often selfish assholes. And yet, they sometimes are less selfish, and sometimes, because they are fucking insane, they do selfless acts. These acts may come out of some self-serving impulse to be “special” in some way or another, and maybe you’ve done some of that. Or maybe you’ve done something decent because it made people think you were all cool, and then that image and representation benefitted you.

Wertever. Fact is you did something, and someone else benefitted. You’re just not as awful as you’d hope to be. Tragedy. Just because you do things for yourself, that doesn’t mean you’re the only one who gains, and often you can match it up with doing things for other people at the same time. Not to mention that if you’re really torn up about how you are a selfish asshole, that in itself is a sign of you wanting to be something else. Of you wanting to do more stuff that’s for you, and also more stuff that’s for other people too. Just that wanting is pretty decent. Think about it. If you really were completely selfish, you wouldn’t even notice the fact that you could be doing more for other people. And really, this means you should do even more for yourself. Because the more you can get a handle on your life and your shit, the more your misery is managed, and the more attention you’ll have for other shit, like doing stuff that is for other people in addition to yourself. And rescuing pandas. Never. Forget. Pandas.

So yeah you’re a selfy selfy selfyish person. And you do all these things only for yourself. You also do all these things that hurt other people. You also do all these things that help other people. Basically, you do quite a great deal of stuff, even when you don’t do very much at all. If you’re concerned about whether or not you’re selfless, focus on your self more. Figure out your head, and then find ways to do things that are about other people’s heads as well.

So you know how sometimes it seems like someone’s finally going to actually say something genuinely helpful to you? Like finally just give you that beautiful, clear, kind support that you’ve been dreaming of and searching for all along? And then, right at the end of that truly well-framed, cogent, heartfelt remark, comes, the… “But.”

Fuck but. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fucking fuck it. It’s amazing how people seem to think that a depressed person needs the negative qualifiers. As though an individual who spends all their fucking time thinking of everything negative about anything anyone says to them needs assistance coming up with rebuttals.

And the second, the “but” is added to the end of a sentence it invalidates everything that comes before it. Because now you’re focusing on the shit that sucks, because surprise surprise, you’re all miserable and that’s just what you do.

Sometimes you can scream at these people, or tell them politely if you’re into that sort of thing, that you find their tendency to match their positive statements with a negative qualifier to be insufferable, and really damn irritating. Other times, you can’t. Or won’t. Still, you’ll let this shit slide and thus take these types of comments as insults rather than the mixed messages they are in their heartiest of messagey hearts.

And that’s a bit of a loss. Because really if you’re going to take the statement at all, you might as well take all of it. Recognizing that the “but” part has some bullshit you don’t really need to hear and also that the part that’s meant to be supportive, has some validity to it as well. Should you do that? Hm. Can you do that? Hm. Will you do that? Hm.

So qualified bullshit is fucking stupid and such. Yup. That’s about right. Seeing if you can strip anything not awful from those statements is useful given that you’re probably going to take in the negative parts whether you want to or not. Finding ways of telling people how those statements could be rephrased or reframed into purely supportive remarks is also an idea. Then again, communication sucks.