So you know how even though you have absolutely no fucking clue what you’re doing, you still want to tell everyone else what to do? Sometimes you even feel the need to write posts and posts of ideas on “how to” blah blah blah when all the while you know that you could poke holes in your own arguments in a heartbeat?

Thump Thump. Thump Thump. Do you hear that? It’s the sound of love. It’s also the sound of hypocrisy. Because ultimately, while we may say shit just as much to satisfy our own egos as to help another person out, ultimately, the choice to say anything at all is a sign that we care.

Because really, even if we had all the answers, we could just say fuck it and walk away. We could take our answers and run, feeling all toasty and warm in our own enlightenment. Instead we look around and see tons of bullshit. We know how it got there and we know what it takes to fix it. And yet, we also know that we’re fucked as hell, and the second we open our mouths to say “Hey guys… How about-” Someone will smack us in the face with a “Who are you God? Fuck you. Here’s a list of your flaws.” And since we can’t handle that, because it hurts, we sit with our mouths shut and keep the answers in the shadows.

And so we need to be perfect to say anything at all. We need to hide all our damage, so that no one can judge us back. Then they just have to accept what we say as gospel, with grace and gratitude. Only problem is that keeping wounds from the sunlight leads to those infections that produce the depression, and so our desire to help others, hurts us. We desperately need to avoid looking the hypocrite in order to get our message out, and yet, slowly we become more hypocritical as our inner darkness grows.

What to do? What to do? Oh! Got it! Be a fucking hypocrite and own it like a sexy bitch. Strut that hypocrisy all over the place, and when people call you on it, call them back. “Fuck bitch doesn’t want help. Don’t fucking be here. Leave.” Because it’s a big world, and if people don’t want to stand near you while you proselytize they can go someplace else. And even if they do stay, they don’t need to take advice from a dirty hypocrite, they can go figure it out on their own. When people bitch you back, it’s typically that they’re either jellus because they thought the same thing and didn’t say it, or they’re crying out for help and only know how to do it with fingernails.

So say what you want even if you are healing your own hurts on the side. Everyone’s imperfect. If there are angels among us, they’re very good at hide and seek. In the mean time, we make do with the role models we’ve got, flaws and all. Share your love even if it is hypocrisy. Better than letting the hydra hate grow additional heads.

So you know how it shouldn’t be possible to be too awesome? Or too beautiful? Or too smart? Or too genius at foozball? And yet somehow, no matter what you’re good at, your depression finds a way to make you feel like shit about it?

Either you think you’re not as amazing at ballerinaing as some other person, and that they’ll always be some perfect person out there who’s more amazing at it than you. Or, even better, you think you’re the best at chessing, but that means that everybody will hate you because you’re too good at it. Wait wait, and don’t forget, that no matter what you’re good at, you’ll always be worse than how you were in the past. Note: unfortunately with physical skills in particular, at a certain point, this is true in terms of competitive ability. Hitting the “peak” so to speak.

And all of that is true! No matter how awesome you are, there’s always a downside! Or many! Isn’t that exciting! Yes actually, because it means that surprise surprise, everything is a trade off and sometimes there’s positives and sometimes there’s negatives. And why is that a good thing? Because remember kids, just because there are tons of bad things, that doesn’t mean that the good things have no weight. Maybe not always equal, but often, what you give and what you get level out. So when you’re getting, take it, and fuck guilt. Because soon enough it’ll ebb.

Peaking, is the most hard to get past. Because then you know for a fact that you’re past your prime. And you feel like you’ve lost your awesomeness and you’re just reliving the “glory days.” Thing is… You don’t need to relive them. They’re there, chilling, in the past and you get to own those accomplishments even in the present. Typically if you’re hyper focused on your past achievements it’s not just because they were awesome, it’s also because the present isn’t doing so great. Focusing on nostalgia, the past, those things, is fun on occasion, but when you’re doing it to the extreme it’s often a sign that either your brain is trying to make you dig up a trauma that you need to address, or you’re not taking care of finding things to make your current self happier.

And when you’re flying high, sometimes you can see what’s coming up on the horizon. You know that while right now you’re doing stellar, soon enough, you’ll come down, and possibly it’ll be a crash landing. That’s why preparing when you notice that shit is useful. Investing in some long-term happiness options, whether that’s in literal money, relationships, or sustainable hobbies, is a way to help yourself rest assured that you’ll have some things to feel good about. Not to mention you can always share your experiences with lonelies looking to learn from your greatness. If it’s too late and you’ve already hit ground… Oh wait, there’s no such thing as hitting bottom! You can always be more miserable! Do some damage control and figure out how to be a little better off than where you’re at.

So being the best sucks. Having something to strive for is exciting, and fills us with energy. When you hit mastery, or are just doing awesome in general, there’s a lot of navigation that comes with that. And that’s a challenge in and of itself. Luckily, you’re alive, and bored, so figuring that shit out is just more shit for you to do as a distraction.

So you know how perfect is just so… perfect? And you’re just so… Not?

That sucks. Who cares? Perfect is just a bullshit concept we create to fuck ourselves over and remind us of all the ways we suck. You can never be perfect. The second you fill one gap, you’ll notice another one. The second you finally clean one spot, you’ll realize that everything else is dirty by comparison.

And don’t you love it when people use perfect as an excuse for being a dick to you? “Sorry, but I mean, no one is perfect.” Is code for, “Your concerns are totally valid, but I’m a lazy shit, so instead of addressing them, I’m just going to talk about how I can’t be awesome ALL the time.”

Oh wait that sucks? That’s cool. You know what sucks more? Constantly finding your every little flaw and cutting yourself into pieces attempting to remove it. It’s irritating when people invalidate your concerns. Still, even if someone does recognize what you’re saying, and that maybe they should not be totally fucking you over, the fact may remain, that they are imperfect, and they are lazy, and they just don’t give a shit. Worst part is, they’re probably happier for it.

You don’t want to be the asshole going around being all “I’m imperfect. I ran over your cat. That’s just life.” And that’s awesome. Don’t be. Be the not so much of asshole going “I’m imperfect. I ran over your cat. That’s just life. And I’m really fucking sorry.” Because sometimes we use “perfect” as a way to give up on ourselves and on managing our depression. Just like the assholes that suck, when we realize that we’ll never be completely clean, we stop even aiming to improve the things we can improve. Knowing that we’ll always fall short of “perfect.”

So yeah don’t be an asshole. Or do be an asshole. Either way, know that you’re not perfect, that sucks, and it doesn’t mean you’re done. You’re only done when you’re dead. In the meantime, you keep growing, imperfectly all the while.