So you know how if you live in a developed country in the modern era then you have tons of creature comforts? Like ovens, toilets, and ski machines? And how this makes you soft because you don’t live out in the wilderness completely by yourself? And so you really should leave this life of opulence to seek your destiny in the desert, but you don’t because you’re just so scared and weak?

Hold the self-loathing for a second. This is just fucking absurd. First off, the modern world may have lots of advanced technology, but it also has a ton of other shit that’s fucked up that you have had to adapt to. Everything you eat or breathe gives you cancer. Every time you cross the street a texting driver might mow you down. Anything you watch on television is somehow going to fuck up your brain. And, oh right, you’re depressed so your emotional and mental health are fucked. There’s plenty of shit testing your survival skills in this modern life, because there are still plenty of things that could fuck you up or even kill you. What fun!

On the other hand, you don’t need to hunt for your own food, or make your own clothes, or pick the lice out of your own hair. So fucking what? If you want to learn how to do those things go ahead and learn how to do them. There’s probably some community center nearby that will teach you about basket weaving, or some former boy scout leader that can teach you how to tie knots. And oh wait, there’s this thing called the Internet that can teach you whatever the fuck you have ever wanted to know, ever.

The real point is: who gives a fuck if you couldn’t survive in the past? You’re depressed so the way you are now, you probably couldn’t survive without couches because then what would you sit around on when consumed by melancholy? But really, people in the past didn’t survive that way because they wanted to or because it was rustic and cool, they did it because they had to. And if you had to survive that way, you would too. You would take cold baths because there’s no heat, and eat rabbit meat because you’ve run out of kittens. You would do these depraved things because you had to.

And in fact, people in the world still do. In the developing world plenty of people live hard core because it’s what they need to do. No, this doesn’t mean that you have to feel bad because you live a softer life. That’s just your lot. If you want to help them change theirs, that’s a separate issue. People who live that life aren’t stronger than you by nature or even force of will, they became that way because their circumstances demanded it. If you think you’re weak, you can expose yourself to situations that demand you to become stronger.

So you get to rest easy in your comfy life. Just because your survival is easier to guarantee in certain ways, that does not mean that it is unchallenged. Often you face even greater challenges than your peers because you’re depressed, and that makes everything you do seven times harder. If you still think that you need to learn how to survive in the wild, there’s nothing stopping you from learning. And if you think that it’s okay to accept that your life includes a certain amount of comfortable things, then that’s fine too.

So you know how you feel like a big jiggy jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces and lots of intricate images of flowers? And so no one can put you together in a way that actually resembles that fucking picture on the front of the box? And you’re just so complicated that no one could ever understand you?

No. Just no. You’re not complicated. You’re depressed. Which often makes you less complicated because you share a lot of traits with other depressed people. Like hating on things. Or being sad about things. Or keeping secrets about things that people wouldn’t judge you for anyway. Or telling people things that they will judge you about just to see their reaction. Shit like that.

So here’s the thing: by the very nature of there being no one else who is you, you are unique. No way around that unless cloning human beings becomes both scientifically possible and morally acceptable. Your feelings are yours alone, your thinkings are yours alone, your eyebrows are yours alone. So yes, no one else fully understands you. This is sad, and yet also incredibly comforting.

Does this mean that there is not a single other person in the entire world that could maybe, possibly, slightly understand how some of your experiences affect you? Fuck no. Meaning yes, there is such a person. Because for one, there’s this little thing called empathy which allows people to not be fucking “sociopaths” and to understand each others’ perspectives. And for another, there’s this thing called, other-people-have-gone-through-shit-similar-to-you-and-can-agree-with-you-about-how-much-it-sucks.

Now, if some fucking asshole tries to pretend they know everything about you because their dog died seven years ago and you just had your right kidney removed, then fuck that. On the other hand, if someone is reaching out to you because they had their  left kidney removed and they know how it leaves a void in your heart as well as a physical one in your body, then hey, that might be an interesting story, if nothing else.

So you can keep believing that you’re mysterious and inscrutable. Because you’re right, no one does completely understand you. And when someone gets part of you, for instance, your depression, there’s no real reason to squirm out of it. Everything will be okay because you can just sit quietly and nod your head until they leave you alone. Or, if you don’t mind their misguided attempts to tango with your complexity,  it could even be useful to speak to them.  Who knows? If they really do get what you’re going through, then maybe they know a way out.

So you know how people are always being bright and cheerful about things all the time? And what you really want to do is crawl up in a nice little corner all by yourself? And yet when you do that you just feel like shit because you’re being anti-social? And still, it’s better than when you go out with people and just bring them down with your miserableness?

Well, what a sad little cycle you’re in! Can’t hang out with people since you’ll just inflict your depression on them and cause them to judge you, yet also can’t just let yourself mellow out on your own because that means you’re a gloomy McGloomerson and your self-loathing self will have a field day calling you out on it.

Fuck it. If you want to be alone, go ahead and do it. Just not because of the other people you may bring down. Who gives  a fuck about them? They spend plenty of time whining about shit that makes them unhappy so they can fucking put up with you doing the same. Do it because you just need sometime to get your shit together without other people distracting you or without being bombarded by all of their and the rest of the world’s bullshit.

Then again, if you feel like being with people, then that’s fine too. If people give you shit because you’re all depressed and miserable, just tell them you’re dealing with stuff and need them to put up with it. Likely you’ve done that for someone in the past, so they should do it for you. And even if you haven’t, there are people out there who have had to rely on others and therefore may have a debt that they can’t repay, so find them so that they’ll pay it forward to you. Win win.

If the people you want to be with are also going through shit, and you think that you’re dumping on them, then that just means you have to take as much shit as you give. You don’t have to avoid people who are going through things because, ultimately, you guys can probably understand each other better than people who are fucking oblivious. That being said, if you just sit around being all sad together, then don’t be surprised if you just stew in your mutual depression. Which is cool if that’s what you want. Otherwise you might choose to help each other heal and not just scratch at your wounds.

So if you want to be a whiny little bitch around people, do it. If you tell them you need that, then they should give it to you, or you should find other people who will. Just remember, sometimes people need to be reminded of how to treat you when you’re struggling, so you’ll probably need to use words to communicate, and not rely on facial expressions or telepathy.  On the other hand, if you want to be alone, then that’s cool too. And if you want to do one of those things, and then hate on yourself for it, no one’s stopping you from doing that either. It’s your misery, after all.

So you know how in the past you were always super springy or felt like velvet or just way better than you are now? And how no matter what you do there is no way you can measure up to all those epic sandcastles you built and archery things you did? And life will just keep getting worse from here because the present is a mess, and the future is a big amorphous blob of blah?

Wait, are you joking? The past was fucking weird. Do you remember what it was like to be 5 and feel like you’re falling apart when you get a splinter? Or 15 and have all this potential to be someone special but no control over your own life? Or 25 and have the potential and control, but absolutely no fucking clue what you’re doing? The past was just as miserable and not miserable as the present. The only thing that is different is your perspective on it, because, oh right! You’re depressed.

Your thinking that the past was always better than the present is just another way for your depression to make you feel like shit. And it doesn’t even make sense, because depression simultaneously makes you focus on all the worst things you have done or that have been done to you, which then also makes you feel like shit. Wait, that’s the present perfect. Grammar, what a fucking joke.

The past cannot be changed, and in that sense it is almost perfect. Something finished and complete, so you can’t fuck it up any more than you already have. Meanwhile the present is confusing, undefined, ambiguous and the future even more so. Still, even if you were happy in the past or doing well, that does not mean that the present is worse just because you are not happy or doing well. Similarly, if the past was miserable and everything was shit, that does not mean that the present is better.

The present is current. Everything you do right now has bearing on who you are and how you feel right now. The past doesn’t exist any more, so its impact is in affecting how you view the present moment. If you think your past self was awesome, then that’s just fucking great. That doesn’t mean you can’t be awesome right now too. If you think that you made lots of mistakes and you have a ton of regrets about things that you can’t go back and change, well fuck that. While you can’t change the past, presumably you’re still alive, so you can change the present.

So it turns out that your life hasn’t been perfect up until now. Surprise! Also, it probably won’t be going forward either. That sucks for you. On the other hand, you get to stop feeling like nothing you do will ever compare to what you have done, and feeling that who you are now is always worse than who you were. Every moment has its plusses and fuck ups, so you don’t need to keep looking behind you, because whether you want to or not, you’re always moving forward. Welcome to the shiny, new you.

So you know how it sucks when people go around being all hopeful and believing in unicorns that don’t exist? And how you’re too smart to believe in unicorns, or anything at all really, because all that shit is just a lie that distracts you from the grim realities of life? And it’s a sign of your honesty that you focus on everything that sucks since that’s how things truly are?

Fuck brutal honesty.  It should be okay to just do what’s easy.  You’re not a goddamned saint so there’s no pressure for you to go around telling everyone everything shitty that they are ignoring. Yeah, sometimes it’s important to speak the truth to power or just to ignorant assholes, and sometimes it’s also fine to just judge silently and tell yourself that people will eventually figure it out on their own, or someone who is way more eloquent will get the point across later on.

You’re not the only one who notices all the shitty things, and you’re not the only one who will say something about them, so it’s okay to take a break from honesty sprees. For one thing, there are a ton of other depressed people out there noticing flaws all the time and yup, they’re probably pissed about the same things that you are. And for another thing, other people actually are aware of negative shit, they just choose to ignore it and focus on different things because they don’t want to deal with it.

You can do that too if you want. It doesn’t make you an awful person to put off dealing with things, just a normal one, which sucks, but can be convenient when you have other shit going on.  You can ignore issues for some time and then not ignore them later. Or you can prioritize them and deal with some right away, and hold off on others. And then the fun part is: you get to rationalize your decisions as much as you want!

Rationalization is the fucking best thing ever. You get to have valid reasons for the shitty things you do or do not do, and you get to explain them to other people in order to get them off your case. Are they semi-lies you tell yourself and others? Maybe, kinda, sort of, yes. Still, sometimes you lie to yourself in the short run  in order to deal with immediate things and then deal with the larger picture shit in the long run. As in, if you’re depressed, you rationalize lots of random things that you can’t cope with until you’re less depressed and you can handle it.

So lie if you want to. You don’t need to be honest all the time with other people, or even with yourself. While eventually you may need to come to grips with reality, it can be after you’ve dealt with some of the current stuff on your plate. And sometimes it may turn out that you’re not lying after all. That it wasn’t that you were distracting yourself from the grim realities of life, but that they were actually ever so slightly less awful than you thought. Oh joy.

So you know how you have infinite opportunities to choose from and people to meet with and random shit to do, and yet somehow you always end up making bad life decisions that fuck everything up?

That’s cool. In fact, that’s what society typically expects from a depressive so you’re right on track. Then people around you get to shake their heads at you for fucking up exactly as they expected, while you argue back “No I really know what I am doing this time. I am totally fine. This is going to work.” Meanwhile, you know that you’re full of shit, because no one knows better than you how much you’ve fucked things up and how many stupid things you’ve done.

Fuck that shit. It’s messed up how people always say you need to break eggs to make omelettes, and that it’s healthy to make mistakes, but then when you actually do experiment with things, they cluck their tongues and lift an eyebrow at your failures. If it’s okay to make mistakes, then who the fuck gets to decide where the line is drawn between mistakes that are just adorable anecdotes and mistakes that mean you’re fucked big time? Actually, you do because you get to judge when something is successful and when it’s really messed up.

If you make a decision that has long term negative consequences for you and other people, then fuck what everyone else says, you might want to look at that choice and see what shit you can learn for the future. After all, if you do something that means you lose a limb, or hurt someone, or die, then ultimately there was probably some mistake that you want to understand and then don’t want to make again. Or you know, can’t make again save for after your resurrection during the zombie apocalypse.

That’s ultimately the point. That it’s cool to make bad choices, unless you make ones that fuck shit up in the long run. Choices that result in shit happening where you can’t just change everything the next day and undo all the damage that’s been done. Choices that cause regret, and that you may eventually choose to take responsibility for.  On the other hand, this means that mistakes that don’t permanently fuck everything up in the long run are probably in the clear. If tomorrow you can make a different choice and change everything up, then fuck, you’re at least okay.

So go ahead and make some bad choices. No, don’t go on a fucking killing-thieving-drugging-hugging spree because the negative long term consequences are likely not worth it and hugs are lame. But if you want to try something out and it’s not the best choice, then try it out and change things up later if you need to. As long as you’re cool with the mistakes you make, and you don’t go around permanently fucking up yourself or other people, then hell, what’s the problem? Your life decisions are yours, and whether you make good or bad choices, the consequences and rewards will be as well.

So you know how you’ve made a million mistakes and you’re an awful person whose done tons of awful things? And how you knew what you were doing all along and were in complete control but still decided to do lots of awful things that you now regret?

Bullshit. Not bullshit in that you have done a lot of awful things, you probably have. You’re probably a relatively horrible person and many times you have done shitty things to people and yourself for no good reason or maybe even by accident. Bullshit because every moment you live you do something shitty, so if you’re going to regret some of your terribleness just go ahead and regret all of it.

Yes, that’s right. Every moment you live, you are being selfish because you are taking up resources other people or animals or mushrooms could use, or you are just sitting around useless, focusing on your own issues when you could be focusing on helping other people or animals or mushrooms. Every moment is a moment you could be doing something better, and you are wasting opportunities or better yet fucking them up. But oh wait, that’s called life.

Regret is pointless. If you have something that you regret then it means that you think you could have done something better. Still, those moments that happened in the past have all led to where you are now, and they do not exist except as memories that relate to the current moment. So if you regret the past, then that means you regret something that does or does not exist in the present. That you see a moment in the past that could have changed everything and made the present different or better.

In that case, fuck regretting shit because the present isn’t over yet. If you have a moment that you wish went differently, then think about why you want something to be different in the present day and think about how to make it happen. Or if you have something that you think you did not handle well or that could have gone better or that you seriously fucked up, don’t just fucking regret it, go take responsibility for it. Tell whoever you fucked over that you regret it, and are going to do your best to make amends going forward. Or at least tell that to yourself.

So if you are going to regret shit, be unbiased and regret everything. Then deal with those regrets and try to put them to fucking rest. Realize that some shit is in your control, and some shit is out of your control, and that you can only do your best to take responsibility for the shit that you have done. Regret does not change the past and it does not change the present. Then again, if you can use your regret as a stepping stone for examining the current moment, then fuck, you’ll become one of those wise assholes in martial arts movies.