So you know how it’s been a while since we talked about the Rwandan genocide? And although we touched on the Holocaust, we didn’t really delve into the overarching concept of organized mass murder?

It’s kind of a hard one to discuss because if you’ve ever had depression, you might have encountered the delicate dance that is feeling really really sad that some people have died in large numbers, and feeling really really angry that other populations haven’t, for a different set of reasons. To which it’s important not to forget that humans are gross.

Now some people might think “No wait, I really find all mass murder sad. In fact, I am sad about everyone dying all the time always.” Well you might be displacing a desire to end the human race, and other species for that matter, but hey, you might just be honestly grieving the concept of mortality.

Then there’s other people who are more like “Fuck that pussy shit. Everything and everyone dies, so why make a big deal out of it? Genocide is just bigger death, and you can’t cry about that all the time or you’d have no moments left to live your life.” And so you might be repressing the fact that you do notice the increased gravity of certain situations and you might be trying to discount them rather than conform to some third parties’ views on how they should be weighted.

Regardless of whether these or other archetypes summarize your feelings on genocide, the important thing is knowing that achieving some clarity on your personal values is useful, even if this is controversial or possibly antagonistic. When you are dealing with symptoms of depression, you might need to grieve large abstract violent concepts in your own unique way, because how you process negative information might be different from those around you or might not fall in line with typical expectations.

So you can have your own unique reaction to genocide, and this remains true even if it marks you as different. Having symptoms of depression means that you might not see the world the same way as people with less familiarity with the condition, or at least your particular version of it. And it’s hard sometimes to have more than one set of feelings, including when reacting to other people. While it helps to get clarity on your viewpoint, the ambiguity of believing multiple value sets simultaneously is also a quality worth preserving.