Category Archives: External Comments

Conform or Proform?

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So you know how sometimes you’re watching TV and the Twilight Zone comes on and it’s the episode where they’re making a commentary about conformity in a totalitarian society? You know that one plot line. Well actually all of the episodes are commenting on conformity in a totalitarian society, so to be more specific it’s this one with the pretty girl and the piggy people:

And this gets you to thinking: just how much should you conform to society’s expectations versus preserve your authentic self? Also is there truly some concept of “ideal” or “normal” that you should be aiming for, or is it all subjective bullshit created by people with power in society as a means of controlling the general population into a complacent, distracted horde?

When it comes to conformity, the answer is often that when you think of these other people do you need them to survive? Or maybe more like can you escape their control over your life in the first place? And if you do need them, or you can’t escape their influence, what do you need to do to interact with them, and who decided that was the case? Because as fun as it is to be an anti-conformist, it can be risky business. You might piss off someone powerful. You might piss off a group of people that control your life. You might get isolated or shunned because you don’t fit in like everyone else.

Now sometimes you don’t get much of a choice because your “anti-conformity” is truly a part of your default identity and modus operandi. Then you’ve usually got to find resources to defend yourself from people getting angry or frustrated with you, in contemporary society this is often in the form of sympathetic friends and family, mental health practitioners, topical non-profit organizations, and occasionally government institutions. Sometimes there are people or groups set up to watch the behavior of “trusted” professionals or powerful members of society and those can be useful when you need to make sure to stay safe as a neurodivergent individual.

Yet what about another possibility? That being that your unique way of thinking will cause people to re-evaluate the norms of society, or rethink certain rules. Maybe you’ll be creative enough to challenge a paradigm and come out on top morally, philosophically, or scientifically. And sometimes doesn’t it take acts of bravery and standing up to authority to truly “do the right thing” or make a breakthrough for human kind? Sure, just remember to stay safe. Sometimes people have been martyred to the forward momentum of civilization, and that’s not everyone’s dream, though of course it takes all kinds.

So if you want to anti-conform, or you feel you have no choice, do your best to do so safely and responsibly. Because arguably the world really does need more than just one concept of normal or one ideal to strive towards.

Oversharing is Great

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So you know how this blog advocates that sharing is not caring? Because being true to you is a dangerous waste of time and attention? Actually, fuck that oversharing is great!

Why is oversharing great? Because you’re probably saying something important. It might seem like trivial bullshit and trite confusing nonsense, but it’s probably original. Right? Definitely unique to you though, you know?

Billie Eilish just doesn’t understand that feelings belong splashed all over the Internet (original interview here). Because expressing your feelings leads to content, and we all know content is king. Content like songs, videos, movies, artwork, and incredibly insightful “help-self” posts.

What about in real life? IRL as it were. Is it okay to overshare with friends and family? What about bosses and subordinates? What about strangers? Of course! Share anything with anyone at any time! What’s to stop you?

Then again some forms of expressing your feelings can have negative consequences. Like violence. That usually leads to lasting damage. Or screaming at people. Which is just words, yet still causes people to become emotionally defensive fortresses blocking out everything you say.

So maybe you’ve got to be tactical in sharing the feels. Think about what impact you want to have, and whether your methods of communication will hit the mark. Still, it’s important to remember that repression can cause you to bear the burden of your emotions all by yourself. Oversharing is like inviting people to a feelings party: you got to know what type of event you’re planning and what type of audience you truly want to be in attendance. And don’t forget you’ve got to be ready to clean everything up when all is said and done. Party on!

To Spawn or Not To Spawn?

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“I know that I have this depression and that it’s in my family. Every family has their stuff but, for me, I just don’t feel strong enough to see that in a child.” – Sarah Silverman, Stand-Up Comedian

According to a Time Healthland article, the stand-up comedian Sarah Silverman has made it clear that she has no intent of having any children, specifically because of the possibile hereditary nature of her depression.

http://healthland.time.com/2012/06/05/should-depressed-people-avoid-having-children/

In the media and on the Internet, this has inspired debate surrounding the question of whether or not individuals with depression should be worried about passing on the condition to their children, and therefore refrain from having kids.

If you think about it, this could be true of any genetic condition. There are plenty of life threatening conditions that can be passed on from parent to child, does that mean that none of those individuals should have children? What about people with high cholesterol, should they not have kids in order to avoid passing on a condition that could result in heart disease? What about people that just aren’t very pretty or smart? Should they avoid having children that will have to suffer the societal challenges that result from their conditions?

At a certain point, a case can be made for no one having any children. Which would not make for a very sustainable human race.

The author of the article notes: “What the commenters didn’t mention is that the same genes that can cause depression may also encourage the sensitivity and sensibility that gives Silverman her creative talent. Indeed, some research suggests that the same exact genetics that might lead to depression can also lead to mental superhealth, depending on whether a person endured high stress in early childhood or had a calmer, more nurturing environment.”

And hasn’t this been found true throughout time? Often creative geniuses have managed challenges to their mental health, and it provided fuel for their art. And one does not even have to achieve that level of celebrity for their depression to have a unique impact on society. People who are depressed bring a different viewpoint as a result of their condition. They may critique certain elements of society, and call them into question. This is a powerful ability: to see the norms of society, and possibilities outside of them. The main point is, depression can provide individuals with useful qualities.

Still, Sarah Silverman makes an excellent point. Because watching a child struggle with a mental health condition is undoubtedly heart wrenching. And every parent with a mental health condition might face that possibility. Then again, so might every parent in the world. Or their child might face other unforeseen difficulties. And that will always be a struggle. Every individual makes their own decision of whether or not to have children based on who they are, who their family is, who their community is, and the society that they live in. That a child possibly having depression should be a factor in these decisions, is up to each person making the choice. And if that person does decide to have a child after considering all of the factors, then that is no more or less responsible than any other parent.

So it is true that if you have a child, you must be prepared to support that child even as they struggle with a variety of challenges. And one of those might be a mental health condition. And it will be hard. Still, there are many parents who have children who face these challenges. So parents don’t need to go through it alone, and can seek out support from others who understand what they are going through. For example, on a site like this one. Parents who have suffered from depression may ultimately find their children will suffer from it as well. That’s not necessarily so terrible. Because those children when given love and care, may grow to be people whose perspective has a unique impact on the world at large.