So you know how the future is a bleak landscape of despair? And no matter what you do, nothing will change the fact that the world is an awful place? And how there’s no hope of anything ever improving, especially your depression?

Well it’s hopeless then. There’s nothing you can do to change anything.  So why not try changing everything?

If there’s nothing that can be done to improve your depression, what’s there to lose by trying every single method? Change your eating habits. Change your sleep schedule. Change your social tendencies. Change how you interact with people. Change your manner of speaking. Change your appearance. Change your life in whatever way you see fit, provided that it doesn’t result in harm to you or those around you.

See the thing is, depression makes you avoid change even as it takes away your hope of change. You don’t want to try to change because why make the effort if there’s no hope of success? But if there’s no hope of success, there is absolutely no reason not to try whatever you want. Why fear or avoid something that’s not going to happen?

Oh sure, it takes effort to change, and why put in that much effort? Well really, why not put in that much effort? There’s really nothing better to do with your energy than spend it on finding new ways to manage your depression. There’s really not much worth more than your mental health. And in terms of some sort of fear of failure, why have that at all? The worst you could do is confirm that it’s hopeless, which is where you’re starting from in the first place. If you stay at base zero, that’s fine too.

So if it’s always hopeless, and there’s no possibility of change, then there’s also need to have any fear of it. If there’s no way to improve, then what’s the harm in experimenting? It can’t be any more of a waste of time than sitting on the couch. And maybe just one of the things you try, or some arbitrary combination of several of them, will cause a slight change in the big blah of your depression. And even a slight change, is proof that change is possible, and that it is not quite as intimidating as your depression would have you believe.

So you know how sometimes your friends really suck? And even when they don’t mean to, they still manage to cause you pain? And how you don’t really feel like you can trust them, but sometimes you really wish that you could?

Well, yeah you can’t. Not all of them all the time anyway. Some friends are trustworthy, and some are funny, and some are really chill, and some are kind of angry, and some are a bit sad, and all of them are dynamic, mercurial human beings. There are people who are better at dealing with feelings, others who offer suggestions about concrete actions, and some who are assholes and just don’t give a fuck. Unfortunately, it is not always clear who is who, so you get to have fun trying to figure it out.

You may have a friend who is always there in a pinch. Who can ride in to save the day, and yet is busy climbing corporate ladders the rest of the time. You may have a friend who is too burdened by their own baggage to be of any significant help, and yet they are perfect for when you need to sit around and bitch at things. And you may have a friend that you trust with everything, and yet when it comes to your depression, you don’t think that they’d know how to handle it.

It’s all good. You can have friends of any sort. Mix and match. And you get to choose how you interact with each one of them when it comes to your mental health. If you don’t want to tell people stuff, that’s your prerogative. And if someone gets all upset that they didn’t know, then they’re being a whiny little bitch, and you have the right to tell them so. Though maybe don’t exercise it. It’s hard to let people know what’s going on, and not everyone handles the information well. You have to determine the friends that you think it would be helpful if they knew the truth, or that deserve to know because of the way you’ve acted around them.

And sometimes you’ll pick the wrong people. You’ll think someone is cool, and really they’re kind of a dick. Or you’ll think someone can keep their mouth shut, and really they have an irritating need to share what you say with tons of other people. Sometimes your friends will hurt you without meaning to because they do not know how to interact with you when you’re depressed. Sometimes they’ll even hurt you on purpose because they’re angry at you, and not realize that you are in a seriously bad state where you can’t handle petty conflicts. Still, there are also friends out there who may have experience with what you are going through. Friends who understand you, and are willing to listen to what you need. Friends who want to help and just need you to communicate the best way for them to do so.

So yeah some of your friends probably suck sometimes. Friendship is hard when you’re struggling with your own personal situation. Relationships that came naturally can become challenging, and interactions that you could cope with can become harmful. Still, friends can also be the thing that helps you keep going when you’re really starting to fall apart. They can help you out of your depression hole if you’re willing to let them in on what’s going on. Finding a friend that you can trust does take effort. Being able to rely on them when things are really taking a turn for the worse makes it worth it.

So you know how people always say “pull yourself together” or some bullshit like that? And that makes you feel awful because you’re at such a low that some jerk thinks he or she can give you really shitty advice? Because really what they mean is “I don’t know what to do, so I’m going to tell you to just fix it because I don’t want to deal with it.” And yet, instead of owning up to all this, they choose to blame you for everything and don’t bother trying to understand what you’re going through. Right, all of that.

The thing is that people who have gone through shitty stuff and come out okay are usually pretty sympathetic. They’ve learnt how rough life can be, and so they can understand when your life is rough. So if you run into some asshole giving you annoyingly unhelpful advice, then there’s typically two possibilities. One, they are being ignorant because they haven’t gone through very much and yet think they have the right to tell you how to handle it. Or two, they are currently going through or have gone through similarly awful shit and are blaming you for your own problems the same way they blame themselves for their own problems.

While the people who fit in category one are annoying, it is easier to brush them off by reminding yourself that they have no idea what they are talking about. It’s the second group of people that can do you real damage. For one, you might think they actually know their shit and therefore their critical opinions are valid. And for another, people come up with all sorts of intense solutions to their problems, and if you want a solution, you might just see sense in their methods even if they are not completely working out.

People who are fucked up can be just as self-loathing as you, and so when trying to help they end up criticizing you for things they do themselves. In reality, both them criticizing themselves and criticizing you is counter-productive. The blame and guilt thing does not productivity and healing make. Listening to those people isn’t too helpful in the long run. Emulating their actions even less so. Oh sure they may have found the perfect strategy for dealing with their misery, and may even be succeeding in life in spite of their ongoing depression. A warning: these quick fixes can have expiration dates, and also they may be specifically tailored to the person who created them.

If you want a strategy for coping, you’re probably best off if you make one for yourself. In which case, fuck pulling yourself together and dissect yourself instead. What are the things that make you feel fucked up? What are the things that make you feel somewhat okay? Who are the people that you actually want to be around? When are the times that you forget how miserable you are and just go with the flow? While these answers may be really fucking hard to find, they are out there, or more accurately, in there. Ask yourself the questions and see what you find out. Then use that information to find your own strategy for managing your depression, or even one for making it non-existant.

So pull yourself apart. Get a good idea of all your inner workings since you don’t really want to take in bullshit from the outside. If people who don’t know you give you advice that doesn’t fit right, figure out why it doesn’t fit right and then tailor it until it fits the way you want it to. And  as for those people who are struggling, there’s no need to resent them. They may not realize that their strategy doesn’t work for you, or that it may not even truly work for them. As for the ignorant people, ignore them. It’s what they’re there for. If you know yourself, then you’ll know for a fact that they know nothing about you. And you’ll have the knowledge to change in the ways that you think are best.

So you know how everything you do is to avoid hitting bottom? Because bottom is a dark and scary place where you’re fucked forever? And finally when you do hit bottom, there’s nothing you can do when you’re stuck down in that hole?

Hm. Well first off, there’s really no such thing as hitting bottom. You can always dig yourself even lower than your lowest low. Sad yet comforting knowledge. Also, you could always be dead. Which, although it might seem appealing at times, has the unfortunate quality of meaning that you are not alive. When you are not alive, you can not do anything to get out of a “bottom”. Luckily, you are alive, so there are lots of things you can do, or at least try.

Hitting a low is actually quite convenient. Before then you’re usually flailing around, trying to cope with everything and lacking any real clue on what the fuck is happening to you. Once you hit a low, you know at least one thing: which way is down. You know that no matter what, the things that you have been doing have been not working out, so probably if you keep doing them, not so good stuff will continue to happen. Does this mean that you will stop? Eh, that’s unclear. It does mean that you will know at least one productive thing that you could do, meaning, that you could try to stop doing that thing that is dragging you ever lower.

And this is actually a big fucking deal. Because sometimes you really don’t know what is wrong until you’ve kept doing it long enough or often enough that something really shitty has happened. There are always a myriad of factors that could be causing you to be depressed. And sometimes you point to one as the main issue, a friend points to a different one, and your sibling just thinks you’re completely fucked. Gaining any clarity  on at least one evidently fucked up thing that you are doing can be pretty helpful.

Maybe it’s something really obvious and you should have known all along. Or maybe you kind of did know all along but ignored it, and now you’re forced to come face to face with the facts. No matter what, the point is that now you finally know without a doubt. The next question is: what do you want to do about it? And the thing is, you can do whatever you want. You can try eating possum at regular intervals, or intense jello diving, or consulting with a video game guru.  You can even do nothing. Just having more information about your depression is useful in and of itself. If you use that information to dig in a different direction, then that’s just extra.

So you can rest comfortably at the bottom of your misery pit. Sometimes you will end up down there and it will really suck. Still, you don’t have to feel so shitty about it because now you know just where that hole is and how far it goes. You know which way is down and which way is up. If you want to stay down there, you can. And if you want to try and find a way out, you can do that too.