So you know how sometimes when your “condition” takes a swing for the better or worse, that makes your interest in certain activities wax or wane. Depending on the activity that can be pretty convenient, or inconvenient. Addictions can get worse or better. And passions or hobbies can become more or less fascinating.

As the author of this blog I’ve been doing my best to maintain my voice despite the fact that my depression has overall been improving. It’s an in-between with me, since I found my behavior is pretty weird even when I’m not depressed. At one point I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and so there’s always the possibility that when I’m not depressed I’m something else. And yet, when I’m something else I feel about the same as when I’m just “myself.”

So then, where do you draw the line anyway? If I feel lazy, unproductive, and happy, am I demotivated, anhedonic, and yet not miserable? If I get agitated because I’m experiencing emotional duress due to external circumstances, is that mania? What about if I find a topic I really enjoy and spend all my time studying it for a while? If one clinician thinks that certain symptoms are a clear sign of a negative status, and another thinks they’re a clear sign of being “better,” what’s a mental health conditioner to do?

All I know is, that for a while now I’ve felt like I was bullshitting more than usual when writing this blog. I’ll re-read my posts and find them to be preachy, or self-righteous, or even more terrifying, I sound like a genuine motivational speaker. I love rainbows, and kittens, as much as the next depressive that hates on rainbows and kittens, but secretly can’t help every once in a while being struck by their delicate magnificence. And yet, that’s not really what this whole blog has been about for me, and I want to make sure I stay true to what I started out with.

Jokes. I’m just bored with this shit and need a break since I’m too social to get the posts right. Social means amazing. Right. Amazing.

So really not much has changed, because I’ll probably still write things every once in a while. And really, who cares about me anyway? This blog genuinely is meant to be random shit for readers to maybe get some of their own ideas from, so keeping me in the background has been pretty clean. But it’s my voice. And for now. I’ll be speaking a little more privately.