So you know how you’ve got a lot of options for stuff? Like jobs, eating, sexing, schooling, relationshiping, periodicling, arting, conquering, etc. etc.? And how this should make you super happy to be super blessed and like super excited about how many super opportunities you have access to?

Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. That’s not how it works. Having more options is miserable. It is anxiety producing, and fucking miserable. Because, then you have to make dun dun dun: decisions. And decisions, can be “wrong” and be “mistakes” and then you’re stupid and not perfect because you make “bad” decisions. Oh wait. Who gives a fuck? If you’re alive, you’re going to do some stupid shit and some less stupid shit. Then you’ll have to figure out how to deal with that. Such and such.

Sometimes you have a bunch of options, and you still manage to choose the shitty ones. Like the good ones are there, you know they’re there, and you still choose the shitty ones. Why? Well for one thing, when people get depressed we may prefer certainty over ambiguity and so the concrete knowledge of bad stuff more than the possibility of good stuff. If you know something is shitty, that is more comforting when compared to something that “might be” good, because it also might be the worst thing ever. Also sometimes people choose the shitty things, because we like fucking ourselves over… Yeah.

And the thing about many options, is that it means you don’t ever get to feel happy about the one you took. Because you’re busy comparing it to the ones you could have taken. And since you don’t know if those options were good or bad, because you didn’t take them, you can torture yourself by imagining that they were soooo much better than the one you did decide on. Maybe you’ll even decide to switch, and you’ll just keep switching, and always thinking that something out there is better than what you’ve got and if you could just grab it, then you’d finally feel like you’d made the “right choice.”

The way to handle this? Is to know that everything sucks. No really. Everything. Every option has its negatives, and that goes for the ones that you decide on. Still, the real sense of success, and the knowledge that you made the right choice comes from when you face troubles and triumph over them. And when you encounter the hitches and fuck ups, finding ways to manage them, grow from them, and get stronger because of them. Sticking with your decision, is something to be proud of in and of itself. Provided that it’s not fucking you up. If it’s fucking you up… Might want to reassess. Ha ha. Exceptions.

So while it may seem like it should be awesome to have tons of options: it’s not. Being afraid that there’s something better out there is pretty tormentous. Knowing that it might be true, and yet the choices you make are still the ones you made, and you’ll get something from that, is okay. Knowing that as long as you’re alive you can find ways to change course is okay. And knowing you took advantage of any opportunity at all, tried it out, and are figuring it out as you go, is okay and beyond.