So you know how that whole “moderation” thing doesn’t really catch your fancy? And what you love is the sickeningly sweet roller coaster ride of the highest highs and lowest lows? And if you find yourself trending too far in one direction, or even worse, toward the center, you need to shoot off in a new direction?

It can be so dull and “normal” to be a consistent, responsible human being. The highs and lows of depression are addicting in their own way, just like gambling, drugs, and let’s not forget the biggest bitch of them all, sweet treats. Fuck sugar is way more delicious than the finest cut of any other white powder.

And the extremes don’t stop with your behavior. You can’t just like something, you need to saturate yourself with it down to your bones. You can’t just dislike something, you need to feel that firey rage inside against it. If someone praises you, you need to beat yourself down. If someone tries to crush you, you need to topple them.

There is no center, just the frenetic richer scale of your mind’s spastic rises and falls. The fun goes on, but so does the pain. Because even when you’re on the top of the cycle, you are  on a well-defined track and you’ll be heading down soon enough.  Oh yes the fun goes on. Still, eventually the ride is bound to give you vertigo, and then motion sickness, and then you even if you want to get off, everything will be spinning too fast for you to figure out how.

Stay on the ride as long as you want though. Some people want to die an extreme death, and if that’s for you, keep going for it. On the other hand, if you’ve come to realize that the reason you’re still swinging up and down is because you can no longer figure out how to stop, consider seeking out ways of re-finding your center. Balance. That fucking word that hippies and gurus are always going on about. It turns out it is important after all.

So bounce between your extremes. It’s fun. And know that when you want to stop, you’ll need to get your bearings, regain your balance, and hop off the ride.