So you know how people are all like “I’m here if you need me.” Or, “just let me know how I can help.” Or the old diddy, “I’ll always be there for you.” Yeah, what the fuck is that shit?

Because so many times people just say all that since they know it’s the “right” thing to say. And then the second you actually reveal to them the ugly blah muck of your depression, they hightail it the fuck away from you by making some shitty excuse or picking a fight over some idiotic pretense.

And then their whole supportive shtick actually hurts you. Because you may have even thought that you could count on them. You may have thought they were actually someone who you could rely on, and who would accept you despite your depression, misery, ugly parts etc. Their abandoning you just fulfills that your fear that if people see your “true self” a.k.a. see your depression, they will never care about you and you will be left by yourself. And that  would really suck because only having your depressed self for company would be pretty fucking dull.

If you’re afraid of being alone because of people not wanting to deal with your depression, don’t be. Because you’d be all alone even if your mental health was tops and you were the metaphorical coolest kid on the block. Everyone is alone inside their own head. Sure they may have the “voices” of people who they’ve met and interacted with – which can be positive and / or negative depending – but ultimately, it’s all you up there in that noggin.

Which is why although it is important to find people you actually can trust, it’s also just as important to learn how to trust yourself. To learn how not to treat yourself like shit. And of course, this is pretty difficult without some external reinforcement, so you may need to string together some of those unreliable assholes to make a coalition of support. Still, it won’t matter how many people have your back unless you internalize that reliability and find a way to be a friend to yourself.

So you are always going to be alone in some sense. And that is actually okay. It’s just how it is. The goal is not to avoid being alone, since you can’t escape the facts. Rather, it is to find a way of being okay with the you inside your head. Will that mean you need to find people outside who will help you grow the healthy internal you? Yeah. Will you run into some unreliable shits along the way? Yeah. Is it worth it for you to keep going? It is if you want your brain roommate to be a pal rather than the jerk who eats the food you leave labeled in the fridge.