So you know how people have done some really awful shit to you? Accidentally and/or intentionally. And how try as you might to just let it all go, in the end you’re still really fucking miserable about it? And no matter what, somehow you just can’t seem to forget?

Good. Don’t forget. People who have done bad shit to you might do it again, and it’s valuable to be able to remind them of the fact that they’ve pulled the same asshole stunts in the past. If nothing else, when you remember how a person caused you pain, you can better defend yourself against it in the future, by adjusting your expectations, or whatever other methods work.

That being said fuming and festering about your painful experiences is unhealthy. You end up holding in your anger and sadness to the detriment of your own well being. Or you end up exploding and causing hurt to yourself or others. Or so on and so on. Thing is: not forgiving really only hurts you. Because you’re stuck with the burden of your pain. So forgiving is probably a healthy thing to do. But hey, you’re depressed. So sometimes doing what’s healthy isn’t your forte. No matter what, whether or not you decide to work on forgiving someone is always entirely your choice.

That being said, fuck forgetting. “Trying to forget” something is impossible, because whenever you “try,” you just end up remembering it. Not to mention that when people tell you to “just forget about something,” It’s typically because they don’t respect you enough to see your perspective and understand why you’re experiencing pain in the first place. See how they feel the next time they’re pissed or hurt and you say “just let it go.”  No. If someone let you down- If someone hurt you- If someone made you angry- then they should take responsibility for that.

Now the world isn’t perfect. In fact it’s awful. So sometimes people won’t take responsibility. Maybe they are so involved in their own bullshit they can’t even see what they did. Maybe they don’t know how to take responsibility for anything. Maybe they try, but they really suck at it. Maybe you can’t even express to them what it was that fucked you up. Maybe they don’t even remember, which really fucking sucks. And maybe they’re dead, which sucks even more. Unfortunately, you cannot force another person to take responsibility for something. You can point out where they lapsed, and how they can make it up, but it’s they who decides whether or not to respond appropriately. And that too, fucking sucks.

So you can go ahead and remember how much that all sucks. You can go ahead and remember how irresponsible that person is. Or remember that you need to be careful around them. Or remember that you want to act a certain way in reaction.  You can use those memories to inspire change. Or you can just hold on to them as a reminder of how sometimes life is really hard. Point is, you don’t need to “just forget about it.” Respecting what you remember, and understanding the reason why, is all a part of respecting yourself.