So you know how people are always telling you to fake things until they become real? And you’ve tried, but it never does become real? And so you’re just being a fakey faker and a hypocrite because you’re acting like something you’re not?

Fuck faking it till you make it. Just fake it forever. If acting like everything is cool means that you can operate in certain circumstances, then feel free to do that even as you struggle on the inside. That way at least you get to have the perks of some parts of your life being okay, as you figure out how to deal with the parts of your life that are definitively not. If you operate as though you are fine, and live parts of your life as though you are fine, and in certain circumstances, you function like a fine person, that can be useful when trying to survive.

Of course, you aren’t fine. You’re dying inside a little more each day. Still, it is fine to be fake if it means that you can get through the day to day routines that you need to get through. Doing that does not mean that you’re a hypocrite.  It does mean that you’re pretending to be something you are not right now, but then so what?

Now slowly your façade may become impossible to maintain. And eventually it may get to the point where you can’t pretend to be fine. That’s cool. Fake as much as you can, and then handle the rest. Go to the events you can deal with, speak with the people you can speak with, do the things you can do. And then you can deal with your depression as  you go. You don’t need to feel bad because you’re faking capabilities are diminishing. They’re not. It’s just that your depression is making things more difficult.

There is a point where your faking shit becomes a liability. When your depression has taken so much of you that you are having trouble coping, losing track of responsibilities, or just really becoming fucked up on the inside. At that point, fake what you can, take a break from what you can, and for the remainder, ask someone else. When you’re truly falling apart on the inside, and you can only fake so much or not at all really, then try some not faking with people you trust. Try honestly expressing that you need their help. Or try some not faking where you let yourself just rest without any expectations beyond managing the basic day-to-day challenges.

So fake it as long as you want to. There’s no reason to ever stop pretending, because even when a lot of shit is fucked up, some things are still fine. Those fine things can keep being fine, even if it means you’re faking it. Meanwhile, those things that are really falling to shit can also be dealt with. Acting like everything is okay may not always make everything okay. Yet sometimes it can mean that something is still doable even if it has become much harder. And when the time comes where you need to limit the faking in order to honestly deal with whatever you are going through, then that is fine as well.