So you know how people are always going on and on about this or that problem? And while they do that you just sit there thinking about how stoic you are because you’re really good at controlling yourself and hiding all your shit? And yet you are also, lonely, depressed, and miserable inside? Hm. Think there’s a connection?

They say that depression is anger turned inward. Who they are, and how they can say that bullshit when so many depressed people get angry outward, are both excellent questions. The point is that repression, though endless fun, is not really a method of dealing with your problems. It is however, a great way to not deal with your problems. Still, in the long run, a lack of resolution on some big issue can result in the slow accumulation of more negativity. The guilt and misery will eat its way through your consciousness until you have a big, fat, all-consuming blah of depression. Om nom nom.

Not depressed people talk a lot about things, which can be kind of gross. Still, they also get to not be depressed. It’s a trade off. If you keep all your negative shit inside of you where it can fester and infect the rest of your mind, then surprise! You don’t heal, and you don’t move on. If you express some of that shit, through writing instruction booklets, painting squirrels, tandem unicycling, speaking to your clown, or whatever else you want, then you air out the wound, expose it to sunlight, and put on a bandage to prevent it from becoming filled with emotional bacteria and pus. Pus is not attractive.

While being stoic is cool and all, it’s also just another way for your depression to isolate you from other people. If you were bleeding internally, not telling someone would be fucking stupid. And if you’re really depressed and fucked up inside, then not telling someone can be about as stupid, and in some cases, not necessarily less life threatening. Even if you don’t want to ask for help, you can still tell people what you’re going through. If they try to understand your complexities and do a shit job at it, you can let them know that. If they want to help but don’t know how, you can tell them how. If they give you advice that you don’t want to take, you can tell them why and then not take it. And if they’re being an asshole, then fuck them.

Now that’s all no fun. Telling people shit is uncool. It’s much more fun to be independent and not rely on other people. Fine and good. If you can find ways of internally managing your depression without telling anyone, then go for it. If however, you think that you’re okay because you are only slightly dying inside as opposed to fully dying inside, then that is not the same thing. Or if your depression is manifesting itself in external self-destructive behavior, that is also not the same thing. That is not you handling your depression, that is you doing your best to maintain it at current levels.

So yeah, you do not have to always tell people stuff. If you get a kick out of being all dark and mysterious, or all different because you don’t need people, then good for you. Have fun with it.  And if things do get to the point where you realize that repression is not what it used to be, then you can tell people that is happening. You don’t have to do it forever if you don’t want to. Just doing it in the short run can help confirm that you don’t need to be ashamed of what you are going through. Your stoic-ness will always be a part of you, even if sometimes you choose to let some of it slide.